My Dad...

FACT: I have the best dad in the world.
FACT: He embodies the concepts of Integrity, Compassion, and Honor for me.
FACT: He has got to the be the funniest and funnest person I know.
FACT: I absolutely adore my father.

I just wanted to take a moment to shout from the rooftops what an amazing person the guy that I've been blessed enough to be able to call Dad is. My dad is 'Da Bomb' (he can verify this fact himself if you feel so inclined as to ask him). I miss him dearly, and can not wait for him to get home. Life is so incomplete without him here. So, here's to you Dad- I raise a can of Diet Coke in your honor. You have always been such an example to me... and still are. I love you. Thanks for always being such a fantastic father. You really are Da Bomb. (and by the way- that adorable little blond is me...)

****

...what a week...

It was exactly a week ago now that I had the surgery. Not many of you know that I've been babysitting my two nieces and nephew this whole time as well. The timing of me not being at full capacity could not have been worse. But we've all survived it. Perhaps not as gracefully as either situation (the ectopic pregnancy or babysitting 3 kids) could have hoped for otherwise- but we're nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. My mom gets home from India on Tuesday and so Taylor, Kobe and Gracie will be going home soon. I'm out of pain now. My incisions are almost completely healed. I believe my hormones are leveling out as well- I haven't cried all day for a couple of days now. I'm still feeling... I don't know... I guess I'm still feeling "Why Me?" about the whole thing. Which, I admit, is a stupid sentiment. Why not me? I just feel like I have had so much to overcome to even get the courage up to try for another baby and then this happens. So now, I'm officially "high risk" for having another ectopic pregnancy. Is Heavenly Father testing my metal? *sigh* It is His metal to test... I'm just tired of being afraid of pain, of dying... Perhaps that's the lesson. Having the courage to risk everything. I know I have gained an empathy I did not have before for women whose pregnancies end early. I always had a very scientific view of it all- if it ended early there was a reason- it happens fairly frequently- heck, you're not far along, how attached can you be... but I've discovered I was attached; more than I expected I'd be. I was dang excited to be having another baby... I am so sad it's over already. And I'm scared... But these are all feelings and thoughts that I'm really good at discounting and filing away in the back of my mind- chalking it up to hormones... The doctors have told us we have to wait at least three cycles before trying to get pregnant again. I think it'll be good to take the time off- to take the idea of babies right out of the conversation for me. It's almost spring. I'm excited for a new season. I'm taking the outlook that I have at least three months off of life. I'm on pause- buffering if you will. It's time I can breathe and regather myself. Put my house in order. It's good. The hard part's over- this week is officially over. I'm excited to see what spring has in store for me... TO BE CONTINUED... and isn't that the best part.

Zombie, Run...

I downloaded the funnest application for the G1. It's a GPS based game. You set a destination and decide on the speed of the zombies and the level of infestation. The choices are (2mph) Night of the Living Dead, (5mph) Resident Evil, or (8mph) 28 Days Later; and the infestation levels are Controlled Outbreak, Early Local Infestation, Late Local Infestation, or Total Pandemic. Then you run. If you get caught, the screen goes black and says "AAARGH!!! BRAAAAAAINS!!!!" If you make it then you get a little "Survived" screen. Taylor and I took a walk down to the local Taj convenience store avoiding zombies along the way. It was sooo much fun. We had it on the 2mph setting- which enabled us to walk most of the way. There were a couple of times we had to sprint to keep from getting cut off, but once ahead of them you could keep the lead. It's hard not to scream out loud though when the phone starts buzzing to warn you that the zombies are gaining on you. Taylor and I were laughing that it'd be really easy to get so caught up in the game you'd start cutting across peoples yards and hopping fences to avoid the brain eating hordes. We could just picture running through someones yard, interrupting their evening BBQ and you pause to catch your breath and just gasp "...zombies..." and then take off again. I'm still chuckling at the image. Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to many zombie infested walks/runs this summer.

Don't be a Hater... you know you like it

Gwen comes by it naturally, high fashion runs in her blood. My fellow children of the 80's will follow- Cross Color clothing, spandex, Hammer Pants, and oh the hair. From the Seattle area- Brian Bosworth, and his side stepped shave, all the rage, then side spikes... DEP Gel could do some amazing things...guilty. strike that, proud of it!

Then there is Gwen's mom- Maybe it is just a little get backs, but I have some photos of her, in the latest 'Debbie Gibson' hat, with suspenders and a 3' rat tail. Marilyn, bless her heart, always made sure her daughters were on the cutting edge of fashion- unfortunately some of them fell right off that edge.

So this morning when Ellie was doing Gwen's hair for school, and Gwen said she wanted 3 pony tails... why not, it isn't permanent. Gwen loved it, and was so proud when she arrived on the scene at Miss Amy's Pre-School class.

I hope she continues to make her own path and always has the confidence to do her own thing.

my no good very bad day...

I woke up yesterday with excruciating pain in my lower right side. My first thought was maybe I was constipated. A trip to the bathroom proved that wasn't the case. The pain never let up- it didn't matter which way I was positioned. Ectopic pregnancy entered my mind... I called my doctors office and told him where I was hurting and that I also was now having hot cold flashes and felt very nauseous. He suggested I head into the ER. My heart sank. He told me not to give up yet, that this all could just be my bodies reaction to the flood of progesterone. I called Sarah and let her know I was heading in. Wade and I waited in the ER waiting room for the better part of an hour! I'm literally writhing in pain, have my puke bucket in my lap while a kid with a runny nose gets taken back before me! Wade goes up to ask them what the hold up is just as the lady is looking at my chart and they rush me back. I guess the initial lady who checked us in put the wrong priority code on my chart. Sarah had arrived by this time. Long story short they do some ultrasounds and confirm it is an ectopic pregnancy and I was in surgery within 30 minutes of that. We're home now. I have three additional holes in my stomach and the excruciatingly sharp pain of yesterday has been replaced by a general soreness that medication deals with pretty well. The good news is they didn't have to take out my tube so the whole process shouldn't hurt my chances of getting pregnant again at all. I go back into the hospital today so they can check my hormone levels to make sure my body is recognizing it is no longer pregnant. It should only take me a week to fully recover. I'm sad I'm not pregnant anymore. But I understand these things happen. The worst part is I hadn't gottn our insurance dialed in yet, so this all happened under uninsured status. That's a pain that medication can't really help with unfortunatly. Where did I put that puke bucket again? Gwen doesn't quite understand the whole thing yet. But we're all good. Thanks again for all your support and well wishes. We love all of you.

The Rock as a Hawaiian Waiter...

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time... esp. for those of you who have been to Hawaii. Enjoy... (oh, and sorry about the commercial. That's hulu for you, I guess)

Drumroll Please!

My unofficial due date is Nov. 10!

And the Oscar goes to...

In her bath tonight Gwen was giving an Oscar worthy performance. She was teaching me how to fake cry. It was so funny seeing her be able to completely switch gears... she was even getting real tears out and everything! I was so impressed! I ran to get the camera- but then she got all shy and couldn't do it. I will catch it on film some day- but here's a teaser of what's to come...

it seemed like a good idea at the time...

The sun is shining brilliantly today. We've been couped up for what feels like forever. So we decided to bundle up and take a walk around the block to get some fresh air and enjoy the outdoors. We only made it 3 houses down before we had to abort the mission--- it's FREEZING! That sunshine was a cruel decoy. Man, I cannot wait for spring....

public service announcement...

When someone calls you because they are excited to share their own excitment at the prospect of becoming a parent again- it is not polite to ask them why they are telling people already seeing they are not very far along. Gwen is four but there are no gurantees on how much time I've got with her, do you want to point out that I shouldn't be making any Christmas plans with her? It's just rude to shoot back to someone that they could still miscarry. Yes it's possible. And if it happens I'll make sure not to call those same people for any kind of support or sympathy. When in doubt just say congratulations and keep the rest to yourself.

here we go again!!!

Flutterby....

Meet flutterby- the newest addition to our family! Gwen is the proudest hamster mommy you can imagine. She's thrilled to have her very own hamster. She has been saving up her allowance for a very long time. She's been wanting a puppy- but seeing those are a couple of hundred dollars it would take her about 120 years to save up for one. So she picked out a hamster instead. She's already very excited to save up for some toys for her little baby. Flutterby really is the cutest little fuzzball I've ever seen. She's a dwarf- so she's going to stay tiny. And she's very sweet. She climbs right into Gwens hands. This morning, listening to Gwen sing to Flutterby as she was rolling around in her freedom ball, Wade said it was a $15 well spent getting that hamster- Gwen is already learning so much and just glows with pride.

Seattle...

These are from our last couple of days in Seattle. My friend, Tara, took us around town to all the fun uniquely Seattle things. The Fremont troll was so much fun to see. I had told Gwen we were going to see a real troll- that it had turned to stone when it stole someones car. She was really fascinated by the idea. But the longer she stood by it, the more freaked out she got. She finally spoke up and asked if it'd be ok to go back to the car because she was getting a little scared. I said yes- and she ran. She was really scared of it! Once we were back in the car I told her that it wasn't a real troll- that someone made it out of cement- and she laughed that I'd tricked her so good. And Pike's Market is always a pleasure. Thanks Hoser for showing us a good time!

My Little Artist...

I am constantly surprised by how creative Gwen is. She can spend hours coloring and gluing things together to make little crafty gifts. Her Washington Nonna, Shan, recently bought a hand blender and this little cardboard piece is from the packaging. Gwendolyn saw it and said it looked like a little pig and cut out the extra cardboard spaces and colored it like this all by herself! I think it is absolutely adorable. She just amazes me...

Vancouver BC Aquarium...

We got to go to the aquarium while in Vancouver. It is one of the best aquariums! It's small- so totally do-able with small kids, but there are alot of amazing and unique animals to see! If you're in the area, make a point to go; you won't regret it. And if your kids are over the age of 8, for an additional $35 you can do an animal encounter with the belugas, sea otters... and I forget the other ones. The main sections were frogs, the tropics, and animals from the northwest. It's awesome. We had a ton of fun.