The Misadventures of the Sutton Clan

getting settled and holiday fun...

2011-12-31T12:05:00.000-08:00

So, Gwennie and I have been back in the states for a month now! I honestly can't believe it's been that long. I still don't feel quite settled... but it probably has more to do with the fact that Wade's not around than anything else. I had my first OB apt within a week of landing. And I have got to say, it was wonderful because it just affirmed my decision to come back here. Dr. Andy hasn't seen me since my ectopic, but he recognized me right away and was just so kind. It was so nice to go in and just feel complete trust in your doctor. I am so glad that he's going to be the one working with me through this pregnancy and delivery. Unfortunately, it's going to be hard to tell if I have any bleeding issues. I guess the tests for it are not accurate if you're pregnant. So it remains to be seen what's going to happen on that front- but he did say that if I do have bleeding issues, a C Section is not going to be the way I want to go. So, that does have me a bit nervous. He did refer me to the cardiologist. I definitely have an arrhythmia. I got to wear an awesome halter monitor for a day and get to go in for an ultrasound of my heart. The cardiologist said it's not a dangerous arrhythmia, and it really just could be a side effect of my pregnancy- so that it may remedy itself after I give birth. So that's all good news. Gwen has rejoined 2nd grade at Sorensen seamlessly. Her first day back was hilarious. All the kids were asking her if she remembered them- that they were in her 1st grade class and were just stunned and impressed when she said that yes, in fact, she did remember all of them. She is loving her teacher, Mr Ducoeur. He seems like just a big kid himself, so Gwen is getting along with him fabulously. All of her besties are actually in the other class, but she's making some new friends just fine. She has one buddy in her new class that is just as crazy about Monster High as she is- they are actually locker buddies. So that's been a lot of fun for her. All the kids in Thailand thought she was a bit weird for having monster themed dolls. Christmas was very nice. Gwen had a great day- and that's really what it's all about, right? Wade and I kept going back and forth about buying gifts this year- and I just decided last minute that I was going to do it. So I was able to get her a couple of Monster High dolls and a Kindle Fire. I wrapped up the Fire from her Daddy, so that he could still be a part of the day all the way from Thailand. I got a tiny box (when she saw the tiny box and that it from Dad, her response was "this is going to be good!")and wrapped up a post it note and she had to go all over the house on a scavenger hunt looking for it. It was so fun. She had to look in the washing machine and the oven, and was running up and down the stairs, and the whole time she just saying over and over "My dad ROCKS!" She finally found the wrapped box in the microwave and opened it up to see the box for the Kindle- she was just stunned! Then she goes, "There's no way my dad got me a Fire! Mom, help me open this, there's no way that my dad got me a Fire!!!" When she beheld the actual device, she just melted and said that she had the best dad in the universe and that there was maybe only one other dad in the whole world that loved his daughter as much as her dad loved her. It was awesome. And seriously, every time she looks at the thing she says it all over again "I can't believe my dad got me a Kindle Fire. I'm the luckiest girl in the world." I wanted to give ol'Dad some points, but even I was surprised by how many points he ended up getting from it! I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas and will have a fantastic New Years! and if any of you end up with some time on your hands and a serious case of the travel bug, remember that Wade is all alone over there in Thailand with two spare rooms aching to be used.

...and the best part of the OB appointment- I got my first visual of the little peanut! Isn't it the cutest! I may be biased, but I honestly think that that is the cutest ultrasound profile ever to be captured on film.

Idaho bound...

2011-11-23T02:36:00.001-08:00

I got our tickets back to the states today. It's been a tough decision- one that I still can't help but second guess (Gwen and Wade being down at the pool right now, while there's snow on the ground in Idaho doesn't help things). But my heart has been wonky all day again today, so I really do feel like I'm making the best choice. Wade will be staying here for now. If he ends up getting too lonely, we'll then re-evaluate him coming over too. One thing that a pending longer term separation does do for you is to make you realize how much you just adore your spouse and love spending the little daily moments with them. I am going to miss that fella fiercely. I keep telling myself that military families do this and worse every day. At least I can sleep at night knowing my husband isn't going to be shot at or attempt to diffuse any roadside bombs. Hats off to all you wives of soldiers and policemen- you are as brave as that man you sleep next to. My most realistic fear is that he will neglect to feed himself! Pretty small worry considering. Gwen and I will fly out of Bangkok next Thursday. whew- so fast. Her old school, Sorensen, has agreed to allow her to come back as a visiting student, which is SUCH a blessing. I am so happy that she is going to have familiar faces around her. Life really is nothing if not an adventure.

Heart Issues...

2011-11-12T15:50:00.001-08:00

My heart has been having some issues since getting pregnant- I honestly don't know if it's related or just lucky coincidence (that was sarcastic by the way). When I went in for my ultra sound two weeks ago, all the nurses were flamboozled by how low my blood pressure was. I normally run a bit low, but not low enough where they call every nurse in the vicinity over to recheck their work. But, being an American and used to the way American hospitals are run, I figured that if it was concern enough they would tell the doctor or refer me to get it looked at on my own- something. In the end, they just shrugged their shoulders in amazement and sent me on my way- so I figured it couldn't have been too crazy low. I can feel my heart beating oddly. I feel like the beat comes from the bottom and the upper half of my heart, liked a nagged teenager, will sluggishly go along with the directive. I assumed it was all just within that "pregnancy realm of normal" that seems to encompass anything and everything that could happen to biological matter, that if you weren't pregnant would get you admitted to an OR. Well, Friday night I start getting chest pains. I thought I must have just over done it at Loy Krathong the previous night, so I stay home and take it easy and go to bed early. Saturday morning they are still there- if not worse. I'm starting to feel a little disconcerted. I have Wade take my pulse- a measly 42 beats per minute. Hrmm, that is really low. So he calls his brother (who is an EMT) and I call my cousin (who is a nurse)- and the consensus seems to be "get to the hospital". At this moment I really start to panic. My MO has seemed to be that I don't get to the hospital until I am at deaths door. So, am I at deaths door since I am going into the ER? As you all know, I have had some traumatic experiences these past few years and am well aware of my mortality now. Not only that, I have learned to value it. So, I am freaking out. I am still tough enough though to be able to drive myself to the hospital on a moped with a flat tire. We went to the second ranked top hospital of Chiang Mai first (figured it'd be cheaper, so why not. It's number 2, that's still a really good ranking.) I go to check in- say I am having problems with my heart and that I am having chest pains. You'd think that'd bump me to top of the triage. Nope. They probably helped 5 other people and just had me sit there before they processed my paperwork. Then they tell me I'll have to wait three hours. At this point I just start crying. I get up and walk out and head for the top ranked hospital. I am way beyond driving myself at this point, and so we take a tuk tuk. They were able to get me right in to see a cardiologist. They did a 2 minute ECG. Take my vitals (my blood pressure was still really low and low bpm). The cardiologist brings me in and tells me it's benign Bigeminy PVC and that working out could cure it. The entire process was like 10 minutes plus just waiting room time. Overall, I don't feel very confident in the whole process. I have been researching the diagnosis and NOWHERE does it say working out will help it. Just sweeping the house leaves me winded at this point. I don't think my heart would tolerate me throwing in one of my workout videos. The only follow up recommended is that if I start passing out I should come back in. duh. I'm just scared because I never seem to get minor things wrong with me. I think my body has a "go big or go home" type philosophy with illness. My mom recommended a plan B to me this morning- to head to Bangkok and get checked out there. Then maybe I'd be able to relax a bit with a diagnosis I trusted more. So, I am looking into that. Ugh- fun times.

an update. and a question.

2011-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

So, I met with Gwennie's teacher. She said Gwen tends to come on a bit strong and it kind of intimidates the other kids. She told me that on her second day she cornered one girl and was like, "Now you're my best friend. O.k. me and you- we're best friends now." So, I am working with her. This week she has actually been doing really good. She has two girls that she talks about all the time. We would like to do a play date, but they aren't allowed to ride on mopeds so we have no way to bring them over or take them home. :-( I hadn't thought about how the lack of a car was going to affect Gwen's social life. On the pregnancy front, the nausea is lightening up. I still feel just generally yucky. The biggest thing I'm struggling with though is that I am still so conflicted about having the baby here. I'm am terrified of giving birth again. Terrified. I am so scared I'm going to hemorrhage again and take 6 months to recover in foreign country with no support system- but I'm terrified of the idea of having a C-section... but I'm thinking it might be the best choice. It was so hard with Gwen having that slow recovery and living in a new place that we didn't know anybody. And here I am going to go through that all over again. I don't know what to do. The hospitals here scare me. We met a really cool couple here (would've been awesome friends, but they're heading back to the states in a couple of weeks) and she is pregnant and her stories of the medical culture fill me with dread. And yes, I did say medical "culture". The care I am sure is just fine- but you have to be able to navigate the culture to get it... and I'm not a naturally pushy person and I am going be a bit preoccupied come D-day. I don't want to have to demand to see a doctor because the nurses don't want to be the one to call the doctor in. I don't want to have to worry about not knowing what questions I need to ask because nobody volunteers information over here. I want to be able to walk in and be taken care of- where all I need to do is focus on not panicking. I don't know what to do. It doesn't make sense to move back to Idaho because that is not where we want to be long term. Maybe just going for the birth is an option.... but I don't know. Does Wade then come with, or does he stay? The same for Gwen? and the pets. What do I do?! I just want somebody to tell me what to do. Tell me what to do.

First Week of School

2011-11-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Gwen started school this week. I'll be honest- it's been a tough week. I drop her off in smiles and pick her up in tears. I think the bi-lingual nature of school is a much bigger adjustment for her than any of us anticipated. She is also having a harder time making friends than any of us expected... it's really quite heart breaking. She told me the only friend she's made is one of the teachers- he's the one she plays with at recess. And she is a friendly and out going kid- I just don't know what to do. Luckily the school staff seem aware and want to help. Gwen's teacher called me yesterday and set up an apt for Monday afternoon for me to meet with her and all of Gwen's teachers to come up with a game plan for helping her adjust. And when I dropped Gwen off this morning, the headmaster met me at the gate and expressed his concern for her and seemed up to date with some of the problems she's been having (like crying in class and saying she's missing Idaho). I am praying that today will be a good day for her. It's Friday and so it's the fun day at school (art and dance all day). If she comes home today upset, I will know the hurdles we have to jump are even higher than feared.

The New Digs....

2011-11-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

here's just a couple of quick photos of our new place. needless to say, we are very happy.

not bad for $400/month!

small miracles at the garden cafe

2011-10-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

There is an adorable garden cafe right across the street from the guest house we're staying in. It seems to be a favorite of expats, most likely because of the fact you can get items such as cappuccinos, English muffins, and bacon. We end up going there for breakfast a lot for the same reason. Gwen, always the little social butterfly, strikes up conversations with these gentlemen from all over the world. She has made friends with an Australian author and film producer, a British actor (who is actually in the new Great Gatsby movie that is coming out starring Leonardo Di Caprio), and assorted other interesting people who have made Chiang Mai their adopted home. Yesterday Gwen started a conversation with a gentleman about Halloween- she was saying how excited she was. He asked her if she knew the history of the holiday- she said no. Then he goes on to to give her a brief history lesson then says but now it's all just about making money- like all the holidays, even Christmas. She replied that maybe he was right, except Easter wasn't about making money. Easter was to celebrate Jesus. He then proceeded to scoff! And said that that was the biggest fairy tale of them all and goes on about the Bible being a book written by shepherds a long time ago that people have changed to suit their needs and start wars! Who says these things to a child they don't know?!!! I was so taken aback. ... and he just kept going on, and I was trying to think of how to handle this situation when Gwen just shook her head and said "You are just like Laman and Lemuel." I was so proud of her. Then the man spilled his coffee, and he actually looked at her slyly and said, "Oh, look. I was just saying these things and now I've spilled my coffee. Who do you think made me do that?" and he motioned skyward questioningly as she laughed.

oh, the irony!

2011-10-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father really loves irony. We move to Thailand- THAILAND! mind you!- to be able to move on in our lives. We had our ideas for what our life here was going to look like. I was going to work full time. We weren't going to even look at buying a car. I was going to take up mountain biking. I was finally going to lose this weight. I was even coming to a peace about never having another child- and that's when I get pregnant and it throws ALL of that out the window! Yes, people, you read that right. I'm pregnant. I have been debating about saying anything on here about it yet. I am still pretty emotionally fragile and I was already worried about it being another ectopic. They say you're 30% more likely to have a second ectopic once you've had one. I have been just on a roller coaster of being absolutely thrilled to just being numb and not believing it's going to go to term. I had an ultrasound yesterday to put some of my worries to rest. It's not an ectopic. It's still too early to hear the heartbeat, but it's not an ectopic!!!!! It didn't look like a molar pregnancy either. I feel like I can kind of relax a bit and let myself be excited. I still half expect to see blood every time I use the bathroom. And every night when I go to bed, I do a little celebration that I'm still pregnant. I don't think these rituals are going to end until I have an actual baby in arms. It's all pretty mind consuming. We don't have any answers to anything yet, so don't bother asking. We are not even positive yet if I should give birth in Thailand- we really don't know anything yet. And I can't help but feel like I'm going to jinx everything if I talk too much about it. But one thing's for sure, Heavenly Father is keeping us on our toes.

The Ol' Bait and Switch...

2011-10-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

Wade is now working at Chiang Mai Rajabhat University teaching Business and Business English. It's kind of interesting how this came to pass. When we came up to Chiang Mai the first time, I had an interview for a job out in Mae Hong Son. The job was conducted at Rajabhat University because Mae Hong Son is a good seven hours north up on the Burmese border. It's a long ways to ask someone to come out for an interview. I didn't get the job, but we were only back in Chiang Mai for two days when I got a call from the people who had interviewed me. A position had opened up at their university here in Chiang Mai and was I interested. I said sure and a couple of days later I was brought in, hired, and given the details of the position. It was a tall order. Their business teacher up and left last minute for some reason or another and they needed someone to take over his classes. He left nothing to go off of. Nothing. I took what little information I was given and headed home. The course load was five classes- Communications, Reading, Marketing, Operations, and International. The lectures were to be three hours long with each class meeting once a week. Only two of the classes were focused on language aspects- the other three were straight up business classes! I was so NOT qualified to teach these classes.... but Wade was. So we pulled the ol' bait and switch on them. He came to work with me in the morning and I told the director that after reviewing the class syllabus's more thoroughly, that I thought my husband would be a much better fit for the job. And he just took over from there. They had no problem with it at all! Only in Thailand. It was pretty stressful there the first week as he was literally stumbling around trying to figure out where the students were, what their expectations were for the curriculum, and trying to negotiate a work visa. The old teacher didn't even leave any grades!!! So, Wade is basically just creating an 8 week syllabus of his own design for the remaining half of the semester. He is enjoying it now. His students all really like him and he has had great responses to his lessons. We don't know if he will still have this job come January with the new semester. There are rumors that they are going to be cutting the department, so we're just taking it a day at a time.

Floods, Canceled Trains, and New Friends...

2011-10-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

Finally an update! The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy! After our fun little vacation up to Chiang Mai, we returned to Bangkok for about 4 days to pack up our apartment to make the move more permanent. Those days just flew by! We had to buy two huge bags to put the overflow of stuff that didn't fit in our original luggage in. We stored about 5 suitcases in a friends storage room, and headed to the train station with the remaining pile of Mt. Sutton's Crap. My friend from class, Kyle, came with us to help us manhandle all of our luggage onto the train- but it was not to be. Thailand has been experiencing the worst flooding it has seen in many many years. The train was canceled. We found out by a gentlemen approaching us as we were paying our cab drivers (yes, there were two- that's how much stuff we still had). And about this same time, Gwen starts vomiting all over the sidewalk (she had been running a fever all day). It was like a perfect storm of bad news. We couldn't go back to our apartment. They were really bad about nickel and diming us for EVERYTHING. They even charged us money for packages being delivered to the apt. It was just ridiculous. And who knew how much they'd charge to go back- they'd probably ask for another "deposit". And we didn't even know where we were at- the cab drivers had taken us to a different train station than the one we requested. The gentleman, whose name is Scott, took pity on us and offered to help us. God bless him! He said that we were pretty far from any hotels, but that he and his girlfriend had a second condo that we could stay in if we wanted to. Here is where I was trying to be worldly and I asked him how much (we've been "helped out" before to end up costing us an arm and a leg at the end). He said nothing- he was just offering to be nice. Granted we were a pretty pathetic sight at this point. As I look over at Gwen who is as pale as a ghost and all our bags and around the area not knowing where we were or what to do- I graciously accepted. We joined him and his girlfriend, Jiit, for dinner at the train station. We ending up staying with them for a week! They were an amazing couple- we had a ton of fun hanging out with them and were actually disappointed that we were moving and that hanging out with them wasn't going to be a regular thing. The flooding never receded. We ended up having to take a plane up to Chiang Mai. So we had to repackage ourselves again into a smaller version of our stuff and left another two bags at Scott and Jiits condo to be sent up at a later date. And we were STILL overweight at the airport- and that included the extra poundage allowance we had gained by Scott being in our traveling group but only having a carry on himself. The funniest part was when Scott offered me some room in his carry on to put some of the books. I opened up my carry on and he saw that we had packed a ream of paper- you know, drawing paper for Gwen. He saw that and said, "A REAM OF PAPER?! A REAM OF PAPER! Couldn't you just have bought a new ream of paper once you got there?! Nope- privileges revoked." and he proceeded to zip his carry on back up. It was pretty hilarious. Speaking of all our stuff, here is a clip Scott shared with us as we were repacking.

Train to Chiang Mai...

2011-09-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

We hopped a train to Chiang Mai Friday. We headed up here too look for work after deciding that us slow country folk were going to get ourselves killed trying to stay in Bangkok. It's a decision Wade and I are both feeling great about now that we've been enjoying the pedestrian safe sidewalks of the jewel of the North for two days now. We took a night train up- an experience that Gwen LOVED. She was so excited when we got on the train and she saw all the little rooms divided from one another. She said in amazement "This is just like in Harry Potter!" She kept her change purse handy for when the sweets cart came by. In true Harry Potter fashion, she even offered to buy us each a pumpkin pasty. She chose the top bunk of course and for the four hours leading up to bedtime, there wasn't ten minutes that went by without some little Gwen part dropping down to check on us.

We didn't have any bookings for when we arrived. We had talked to a travel agent in Bangkok before we left and she said we didn't need any, so we took her advice at face value and went up blind. It worked out very well for us! There were two guys "promoting" their hotels there at the train station. They said that the ride into town was free if we at least went in and checked out the hotel. Chiang Mai is a very small city. If we got in and didn't like the hotel, we could walk from there. Wade had a class that he needed to teach so having in-room internet was a deal breaker. The hotel we were first taken to didn't have good internet, but said their sister hotel did. So they loaded us back into the free van and we went on to the second hotel. We asked there to test the internet before booking and they said it probably wasn't going to be good enough (all in a very friendly and helpful manner- they were in no means put out by us). Once again, they loaded us back into the van and sent us to a third hotel, The Chiang Mai Thai House. We tested the internet and it worked well enough and so booked a triple room for only 600 baht a night (which is roughly $20)! The restaurant here is really really good too. We feel quite pleased with the accommodations and the staff here are very helpful and friendly (and their English is really impressive!). We went to church this morning and really enjoyed the branch. It's a bilingual branch, which means that the Westerners and Thais meet together and someone volunteers to translate. I really liked it. I got to test out my understanding of Thai. There weren't that many Westerners, maybe six or so. Gwen was the only farang kid in primary. The Branch President called us into his office after church just to chat and get to know us a bit! It was really neat. The vibe here in Chiang Mai is just so much better than Bangkok. Even the Westerners we've been seeing around town are all couples- which is such a nice change from the dirty single men we were used to seeing in Bangkok. Overall, we are really sold on living in Chiang Mai. We are going out tomorrow to submit resumes all over town. We are feeling very positive and have already had many offers of help from the branch members here.

and the guest house is conveniently located next to a methadone clinic. this just made me laugh.

Thank you...

2011-09-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have the best brother! EVER!!!

Wade's new haircut...

2011-09-11T01:18:00.000-07:00

There are so many moments that I really wish I had my camera on me. Yesterday was one of those. I finished up my final student teaching classes (yippee!) yesterday, so Wade and Gwen met me at the mall last night for a celebratory dinner. Wade has been needing a haircut and so we figured, what the hey- there's like a million salons at this mall so why not. We just walked up to the first one and sent him in with no directions more than "trim it up a bit". In hindsight, maybe we should've had a picture. I came back to the salon after an hour and half of window shopping to find my husband all Thai pop starred out. Gwen sees him and her jaw drops- she stomps her little foot on the ground and screams "They cut off all your bangs!!!" At this moment, the Thai salon staff are starting to suspect that perhaps all is not well. Wade is walking towards the front of the salon in that stiff, don't turn your head, don't make eye contact state of embarrassment. I just lose it. I had to turn around to keep from literally breaking down into fits of laughter. I ended up completely abandoning him and headed into the crowd because I just couldn't contain it. I really thought I was at risk of peeing myself I was laughing so hard. His hair was blown dry and puffed so prettily on top of his head. The bangs curled down over his forehead. The sides feathered oh so delicately. He pays and meets me out in the crowd- walking briskly not looking anywhere but straight ahead and says "I need to find a bathroom. NOW." One of my classmates was with us at the time, and he did look back at the salon as we were all baling into the crowd. He said the salon staff were completely crestfallen with our apparent lack of enthusiasm for Wade's new look. I do feel bad about that. It actually turned out to not be as bad of a haircut as we feared. Wade was able to style it this morning in a very fetching manner that didn't require any hairspray at all.

a touch of homesickness...

2011-08-21T03:42:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling homesick this week. The homework got piled on this week and Gwen and I have been sick, so in my moments of coming up for air the lack of home comforts has been more jarring. I am missing my mom and sister. I miss the daily check in that we all used to do. The call every morning to see what each other were up to and if there were any errands of ours that could be combined for the day. I miss my dog. I miss the way he lays on the floor with his head between his paws and just stares at me- willing me to throw a toy for him. His little Jedi mind tricks. I am missing my dear friends... I miss the zombie runs and game nights and having a work out buddy. I miss effortlessly conversing with a variety of people throughout the day. I am the only female in my class-and married at that- and so I don't get invited to any of the hanging outs that happen between my classmates. And everyone else that I have met here, English is not their first language and so conversing is full body sport. It becomes exhausting. I miss spaghetti, real spaghetti. I miss my bed. I miss Q-tips... I know that's odd, but the Q-tips here feel like you're just scrapping around your ear with a chopstick. I miss my Costco pallet of Dr. Pepper. It's been a long week.

The Snake Farm.

2011-08-04T01:29:00.000-07:00

First thing you see when walking into the Snake Farm was a line of ambulances... It was a visual "BUM BUM BUMMMMMM".

Gwen's a natural snake charmer.

Even the snakes smoke over here! (J/K actually I have only seen maybe 2 people smoking here. Far less than back in the states. Wade is in shock- I guess EVERYONE smokes in China.)

The Cobra...

See the guy with the microphone? His right hand has a huge scar running across it and down his wrist. He had an on the job incident with a Cobra and almost died. And that was with immediate access to the anti-venom. I guess the anti-venom just doesn't work on some people.

Fearless Gwen.

She is even fearless about the food. She ate the fish that was not in stick form and was spooning curry straight into her mouth!

First Thailand Frustration...

2011-08-04T01:00:00.000-07:00

We got ripped off by a tuk tuk... again. We are 0 for 3 with these guys! The first one was coming back from the zoo. It had taken about 70 baht to get there by taxi and I get that we're white and our Thai's not so good, so I was prepared to pay a bit more as a "tourist". We negotiated to 115 and I knew we were over paying, but so be it. Well, we get to our destination and hand over the money and the guys goes no- 150! I don't know if I should have just walked away or what- but we paid the difference. Then we go to the grocery store to pick up some items for the apartment. Taking a cab there was less than 50. A tuk tuk approached us for the ride home. He wanted 200. We tried bargaining, but he wasn't going to go less than 150, so we just took a cab back home. Then yesterday we went to the Snake Farm and afterwards were just walking around exploring. This adorable little old man comes up to us and is using his English and asks us "where you go?" We were looking for somewhere to eat and so he recommends Silom Plaza. He hails a tuk tuk and negotiates a killer rate for us... and the tuk tuk takes us past Silom Plaza to a restaurant who pays him to bring customers. We had no idea where we were and so just went with it- and it was the most expensive lunch we've had here yet! Once again, lesson learned, we should have said no- Silom Plaza. It is all just making us paranoid that everybody is out to cheat us. It's so frustrating. I think our apt is too used to dealing with expats that don't care how much things cost. Their laundry service was pretty ridiculous with their pricing (it was something like 20baht per item). I need to learn how to say "I am not working yet! Have no money coming in- please don't deplete my savings faster than needs be!" in Thai.

Puppy Love...

2011-07-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

We were at the Weekend Market today and stumbled upon the pet section. And guess what we saw there... hedgehogs. I could not believe it- nor could I believe their price tag. Twenty American dollars. Gwen just lit up, of course. She was thrilled! She's still a little miffed at the Thai authorities for not letting Pinkie come over but she was appeased by the fact that she could get a new one. This lasted for exactly 3 minutes. We then rounded the corner where they kept the bunnies and puppies. And the girl has not stopped talking and himming and hawing for the rest of the day... she is torturing herself trying to decide what kind of pet to get. The bunny's really got her attention- I honestly think those little puff balls have edged out the ol'hedgehogs. Which is actually fine with us. Because even though the hedgies are a fantastic value at 20, the bunny's are an even more amazing deal at $3. It's just the bunny wardrobe that's going to end up costing you an arm and a leg.

Getting Settled...

2011-07-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

We live right next to the Elephant Building!

The new digs...

Gwen playing in her new room. She was so excited to "decorate" it.

I am indeed lovin' it... these things must have crack in them.

The view from our balcony.

The lobby of our apt building.

An amazing lunch at the Weekend Market. It's a madhouse in there so notice the numbers written on Gwennie's arm- we put our mobile number on her just in case she got separated from us.

so we can quite paying so much in cab fare!!! No more getting turned around and needing to take cabs home for us!!!

Bangkok at last...

2011-07-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, we're here! It was a very emotional goodbye leaving Idaho. I am going to miss having my family just around the block. I am really going to miss being able to hang with my nephews all the time. And it was sad leaving Pinkie and Jack. But the trip went very smoothly once we were at the airport. Gwen is a champ traveler. My favorite part of the plane trip was our layover in Narita. I took Gwen into the bathroom and there was one of those fancy Japanese toilets. I couldn't resist hitting a button when Gwen was on it. heeheehee... a little hose came out from the back and squirted her and she threw her arms in the air and leaped off the toilet! Which then meant that the little hose was showering the entire stall before I could figure out which button turned it off. We were dying laughing in the stall! Gwen says she wants one of those toilets in our house.

Gwen is LOVING Thailand. She is so outgoing and friendly and so everybody just adores her here! and she is just soaking up all the attention. She is already making friends. All the teenage girls here just wrap their arms around her and can't help but kiss her. She is in awe that teenage girls like her here! She is even loving the food. I was so worried about that but she looks forward to the meals. The Thai people are as wonderful as I remember them. We picked a random hotel out of our Lonely Planet guide for our first night and we couldn't even turn around in the tiny room! Mt. Suttonscrap needed bigger accommodations. So I had looked up some places online and we hired 2 cabs to get us there. Turns out the place burnt down or exploded or something- it wasn't there. So, there we are with 2 cabs and a TON of bags and zero idea of where to go from there. Our cab drivers just started calling around to people they knew to ask for recommendations. Wade's driver turned out to have a friend who ran a budget hotel and so we went there. It was a bit ramshackle but in a good area, so I went to exit the cab and my driver told me not to get out of the car. He rolls down his window and is just telling the other driver NO! NO, no, no! He was so horrified, he could barely speak and just got us out of there as fast as he could. Turns out it was one of those nasty sex tourism places. He spent the next 20 minutes just shaking his head and saying "no good, no good!" He told me not to worry and that he'd keep showing us places until we found a place that we liked and could afford. We spent at least 2 hours with these guys. They finally found us an adorable hotel- a bit more expensive then we'd like (about 35$ a night) but in a great location and we have a private bathroom and there's a pool. And they have a masseuse as well. I got a 60min. Thai massage for $8 yesterday.

We went to the zoo yesterday and Gwen got to feed the elephants and a hippo! She is just having so much fun. On the tuktuk ride home she tells me that she wants to start studying the language as soon as possible. It is such a relief to me that she is enjoying here so much. As for Wade and I, as soon as we stepped out of the airport and felt the air and heard the bustle of the city we said "We're home."

getting here....

2011-07-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

ugh- hardest goodbye yet...

2011-07-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

We said goodbye to Pinkie this evening. Poor Gwen's heart is broken. We never got an official answer about taking the hedgehog with us, and I didn't want to risk having them confiscate her at customs, so we gave her back to the breeder. Gwen has been crying for a few days about it. When we handed her over, Gwen put on a brave face and told the lady all the things Pinkie loved to do. The moment the lady went inside, Gwen just broke down. I so wish we could have brought the little gal. We took some pics today of her so Gwen can always have something to remember her by.

Well over due update...

2011-06-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

I do not know where all the time is going! I feel like the days have just been speeding by. I finished up at the Health District a couple of weeks ago now, and I'm still waiting for all the "free" time to show up! But we have been pleasantly busy with the school year ending, getting things prepped for Thailand, having dear ones visit, and planning some summer fun for before we're out of here!

Gwen is just growing like a weed. I feel like every time I look over at her, she has grown. She lost her first front tooth yesterday at school. Both of them have been loose since Christmas, and she's really been wanting to lose one at school because they give out tiny little treasure chests. She's been wiggling it nonstop trying to get it on it's way. I showed up yesterday for the end of the year award ceremony and she had it so loose, she could make it point backwards to the back of her mouth. Loose teeth totally creep me out, so I told her to go to the school nurse and have her yank it out! The nurse took one look at it and told her to just give it a tug- and it came right out. She got her tiny treasure chest- a pink one- and she loves it so much, she is thinking of not leaving it out for the tooth fairy.

Speaking of the awards- Gwen won Best Expressive Reader. And she really is. It's so fun to have her read aloud to us. Who knows- maybe I'm raising a future Speech champion! She finished her first chapter book- a Magic Tree House book. And so as a reward, I took her to the bookstore to pick out a new chapter book. She picked Bunnicula (and I'll admit, I was trying pretty hard for her to pick that one vs. another Magic Tree House one...) She has been so proud of herself though, it's really lit a fire under her to read more.

We had her 7th birthday party last Saturday. It was great fun. It was science themed and so we had dinosaur digs, geodes to crack, owl pellets to dissect, water tornadoes, sun prints, and a chemistry table. I don't bake, right. So it was news to me at what a mess food coloring is- and how it's NOT washable. Yeah, I'm sure there were some unhappy moms when their kids came home looking like Easter eggs. whoops.

Wade's little brother, Dalton, came for a visit this week. It was so much fun seeing them again. They are such great people. Dalton's little sister, Branwyn, kept teasing Gwen about being her niece. It was so cute. Gwen was so affronted that Branwyn could be her aunt when she's only 2 years older than she is! They were so dang cute together. Gwen bought a best friends necklace to split with her.

Life is good.

Gwen on Gambling

2011-05-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

The Claw Machine. Every time I go to Fred Meyer's with Gwen, she begs me to let her try and win something from it. Every time. So, the last time I was there with her, I let her try, a few times. She got very frustrated every time the claw would grasp the toy, but just not tight enough- you all know the drill. She wanted to keep trying, but I told her at this point she only had a dollar left in the allowance she'd be getting for the week. She stared at me and then in shock said, "Wait- this was coming out of my allowance?!!! Why did you let me gamble all of my allowance away! I will never gamble again until I'm 100!" I don't think she is going to be begging to play the claw machine again any time soon.

Being a Mother...

2011-05-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

It being Mother's Day, I have been thinking a lot about my own journey through motherhood. Having Gwen was not planned. When I found out I was pregnant, I sobbed... for months. I felt like I'd been given a death sentence. I did feel guilty for not loving every moment of it. I knew I was being selfish and ungrateful, but there you have it. I was never that girl that wanted to hold the babies at church. I knew that kids were something I'd want someday, but could never visualize the transition of becoming a mom. Thankfully, I slid into motherhood pretty seamlessly. My evolution is complete now- being a mom is who I am. I can't see myself without that- it'd be like trying to remove being human. I had been so worried when I was pregnant that my life was over- I couldn't have known that my life was just beginning. I can't believe that I will only be a mother to one child. When I found out I was pregnant two years ago, I was over the moon. I was so excited to experience the whole process knowing what a joy it is. Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. And living with this yearning has been so eye opening. So many women don't have children for some reason or another. But that yearning- of wanting a baby- it's so strong. My heart goes out to all those women out there who want to be mothers. Who wouldn't sob for the first few months of pregnancy as if their life were ending. Who would sacrifice their bodies, their time, their hearts without blinking. It's an impressive kind of bravery, I think. I also think of all those children out there who don't have mothers, or involved mothers. And I think of the army of love that we could form if we willingly stepped up to love these kids. There are so many voids that need filling... I know I will mother more children- whether they will be born to me, adopted by me, or just nurtured in moments of need doesn't matter. The thought just thrills me. Happy Mother's Day everyone.

life

2011-04-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have been focusing lately on spending time with Gwen. My job is just so time consuming. I wake up and get ready for work. I come home and have to get dinner on the table and then it's bedtime. I really have been missing my daughter. So I made the decision to just let everything else go by the wayside. I am not going to worry about finding time to workout. I am not going to stress about meals or grocery shopping- I even went so far as we had popcorn for dinner one night. And I have been spending quality time with my girl. We read, we go swimming, we do crafts, we go to movies. It has been wonderful. I feel so much more complete. I am so much more at peace having that one piece of my life taken care of. I love being a stay at home mom. I miss it so much. I am looking forward to going back to it. When I first had Gwen, it was a very hard adjustment for me. I remember a lot of days spent starving for adult interaction. I felt so... isolated. But I am so glad that I had committed to that lifestyle. I would not trade one minute with my daughter. I am glad that I am supported in my decision to be a full time mom- that my husband sees the value in it as well. anyways- just something that I have been grateful for this week.

Our Second Good-bye...

2011-03-31T22:14:00.001-07:00

We had to say goodbye to our house. It has been an absolutely insane past couple of weeks. We have had our house listed for awhile now, hoping to short sale it. Well, the deadline was coming up to either have it sold or get foreclosed on and we talked to the bank and they said if we called the week of the deadline they could give us an extension to have more time to try and sell it.

Well, the deadline got missed and they foreclosed. Usually when this happens, it's still not a huge deal because the bank will just hang onto the property and keep putting it up at auction and we could've stayed in our house until it sold there. But for some reason, B of A gave it to another bank who showed up at our house and gave us two weeks to be out. I really don't understand how exactly it all works- but I know the few realtors we talked to about our case were very surprised by what we were experiencing. It was a very stressful two weeks. I had my first anxiety attack- that was great. We had a very emotional estate sale- I felt like that Twilight Zone episode where the guy wakes up in a hospital and they're starting on his autopsy and he's trying to tell them that he's alive but can only scream in his head. I was there selling things that I had not planned on getting rid of and the vultures were just negotiating the prices down and down and down and I'm seeing stuff walk out the door and I'm trying to scream that I'm still alive.

We are now all moved into parent's place. They actually have a nice little studio over the garage that is really a great space for us. We're blessed to have it. My parents and Sarah and her hubbie have been amazing through all of this. We could not have done it without them. I just keep reminding myself that it all just means we're one step closer to Thailand.

Our First Good-byes...

2011-03-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

Wade's parents were here for the weekend. They are moving to Florida and stopped by on their journey east to spend some time with Gwennie before we leave for Thailand. It was a great weekend- it was fun hearing all the little conversations she started with her WA Nonna and Papa. She just chatted their ears off! My favorite was hearing her trying to get the dirt on her aunt and uncles! She was determined to hear some naughty stories! WA Papa spent HOURS reading to Gwen! We let her play hooky yesterday to be able to spend the extra time with them. She was able to finish up her reading challenge worksheet with an hour to spare! She made a beautiful bracelet with Nonna and played many hands of Go Fish. It was so sad saying good-bye. She is going to miss her Nonna and Papa immeasurably. We're going to have to learn how to Skype.

Thailand Preparations.

2011-02-18T14:34:00.000-08:00

So, we had to change our tickets to Thailand because Wade had forgotten about a work conference that he needs to be at. So our new departure date is July 23. I am making a list and checking it twice of everything we need to get done to make the move smoothly. All three of us already have our passports. I'm am figuring out if we will need to get a visa or not. I believe we can just use the 3 month tourist visa that is the standard you get when you land- the only catch is you have leave the country and reenter every 3 months. Which really is fine by us. We want to travel and see that side of the world- so being compelled to go somewhere every 3 months is wonderful motivation. I am not sure we will be eligible for the tourist visa since we are going over on a one way ticket. So, I will need to call the embassy to iron out those details.

Getting the animals over is actually looking like it's going to be simple. The airline only charges $125 for an animal ticket. Jack only needs a health check and a rabies shot within 7 days of him flying. I assume Pinkie will be similar, but I am having a hard time tracking down hedgehog specific guidelines. Since we are going to house hunt once we are there, I will be leaving Jack here stateside. I am going to miss him dearly, but our friends will bring him over in the fall when they make their move. I would much rather have him with someone than sending him over unaccompanied. Pinkie will ride with us.

I looked into vaccinations, and have decided we'll just get vaccinated once we land. Our insurance won't cover all of them, and there's no point spending hundreds of dollars on something we can get for so much cheaper once we land. We are comfortable playing the odds because I doubt very much that we'll catch Japanese encephalitis our first week in country. And I am very familiar with the hospitals in Bangkok- so it is not a source of concern for me at all.

We have some great leads on rental property managers. But I think we'll be able to negotiate a better deal once we are in country. So, we'll plan to be living in a hotel for the first month or two until we decide on the area we want to live in and find a house for a reasonable price.

I am going to home school Gwen for the first year we are there and then reevaluate after that. I think I have found a good program with Calvert. And I will be adding Thai lessons to that as well. I am actually super stoked about home schooling. She is at an age that she is really getting things. She's going to be so much fun to teach and share things with.

We will look into how to grow our family once we're over there as well. I am appalled by how much going to the doctor is over here- and I will not go again. I plan to see if I have bleeding issues and if it'd be safe for me to get pregnant again... and if not, I think Thailand will be a wonderful place to adopt. This decision feels so right and just one more reason I am looking forward to our new life.

eeeeeeeeek!

Valentine's Day...

2011-02-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

I am married to the sweetest man. I didn't think we were doing Valentine's Day this year. I went to work- and actually even thought about putting in a couple of extra hours when I get a text asking me be home on time and to pick Gwen up from school. Valentine's Day was always a special day growing up. My dad always had something special for us, and Wade has really carried on the tradition with Gwen.

We get home to a scavenger hunt. Wade hands Gwen a red heart with a clue on it and off we go. The hunt took us all over town to our favorite hang outs- we went to Nonna's, the castle park, the flower shop, and ended up at the ice cream store! The ladies at the flower shop were about in tears they thought Gwen was so adorable and how sweet her daddy was! It was really cute. We got ice cream and then Wade gave her a gift of a Littlest Pet Shop rhino! She was over the moon! Then he handed me a card! I was joking around as I opened it about how there'd better be a $20 in there, and lo and behold there was a hundred! Wade had arranged a babysitter and took me shopping at the Nordstrom Rack! Best Valentine's EVER! I got a new pair of jeans, an adorable summer dress, and the cutest pair of wedges I have ever seen. I am so grateful for my sweet thoughtful husband. It's been a wonderful 8 years being your sweetheart! (the $100 he gave me was actually a profit from a trade he did that morning. See our other blog Funded Trader for more info on that feat!)

Life... and all of it's bumps and bruises.

2011-01-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

I know I have been a terrible blogger of late. Things have just been... overwhelming. I always hesitate writing when I'm stressed- I kind of feel like it's journaling when you're angry. You don't want to overshadow your entire life with a negative perception of what's going on- or sound ungrateful... or deal then with everyone knowing your dirty laundry etc... but that then leads to becoming unsocial and isolated and haunted. We bought our tickets to Thailand this week and with that I feel like I can finally catch my breath. Life has been hitting us hard lately. It's been almost 2 years since I was in the hospital with the ectopic pregnancy- and I am still living with the repercussions of that daily.

We finally got out from under the immenseness of the hospital bills just this past summer. It was a long and arduous decision and process, but we ended up having to file medical bankruptcy. Not a fun process, but now that we are on the other side of it, a decision that I feel was for the best for our family. I struggled with a lot of guilt about how much I had cost my family... I struggled with wondering if I was worth it... I felt like an incredible burden for having survived. Crazy talk, maybe. But it's what it was. I felt guilty for not being able to play with my daughter for those months it took me to recover. I felt like I missed out on soo much. It was so difficult for me to not just bounce back- both physically and mentally. The pain and the sadness... The sadness has been consuming. It is still wrapped around my heart like a mother bird protecting its nest... but I am dealing with it slightly better these days. I have been having such a hard time with it- I finally went in to a doctor and asked him to give me something- anything- that would make me stop crying. I couldn't take feeling like this anymore. He kindly told me to get a counselor. hahahaha. I find the one doctor that is against just blindly writing prescriptions. So, I went home and steeled myself to do things the hard way.

I have a hard time vocalizing things that bother me. Sure, I won't shut up about trifling little nuisances, but things that really shake me, things that really mean something to me- those things I box up and bury. It's completely unhealthy, I know this. I have a hard time even discussing these things with Wade. My throat just refuses to let the words pass... talking about my loss has been one of these things. I lost a baby. I know there are those of you who would argue this fact. You would tell me that it wasn't a baby. That it was just a complicated mass of cells- an aberration more akin to cancer than to anything close to being a baby. And you would tell me that I just need to focus on the good- on being alive and quit feeling sorry for myself. I have told myself these exact things over these past two years... but my heart- it's not listening. It is too busy mourning a child I will not know. For those couple of weeks- I was a mother of two. And now I'm not... and the possibility of that happening for me has been forever reduced. I gave away or sold almost all of the baby stuff I had been saving over the summer. I thought it would help me 'move on'. Every Sunday when I see one of the little girls in Primary wearing one of Gwen's hand me downs that I had been saving... I go home and weep. My little girl was supposed to be wearing that. My little girl- Gwen's little sister- was meant to have that. And it hurts that I am the only one that even recognizes her one time existence. When I watch Gwen playing... the sadness slides up next to me and I sometimes imagine the little spirit that almost joined our family... I want to tell her what an amazing sister she has- how much she would have loved her.

I am still struggling with pain as well. The doctor believes I have adhesions from all the internal bleeding. So, pain will just descend upon me, without rhyme or reason and last anywhere from an hour to days at a time. My entire abdomen- it honestly feels like a labor contraction that doesn't stop. I will end up curled in a ball somewhere just praying for it to stop. Painkillers do nothing unfortunately. The doctor thought perhaps if I tried to keep my stomach and intestines at a standard shape- the adhesions would pull on them less. He gave me some pretty basic lifestyle changes to make- like taking fiber every day and eating snacks between meals type things. He believes stress could also be aggravating the condition. So, I've been making those changes and they have actually really helped. Being in less pain has also eased many of my headaches- I didn't realize it, but many of my headaches were simple tension headaches.

Things are still stressful. We are walking away from our house. We're upside down something like $40,000. We don't want to live here long enough for that to recover. I need sunshine. I need something new. I need to feel like my life is moving forward and that my only value is not in just having more babies. So, we are moving to Thailand. We have wanted to do this since we got married- we just always had an excuse not to. The excuse usually being Wade's career. Well, Wade's job has just recently evolved into something that is 100% internet based. It's funny the way things happen. We have been stressing about Wade's job for awhile now. His teaching assignments just kept getting fewer and fewer and we have been panicked at times. And now it has evolved into a job he can do from anywhere in the world- right at the time that we needed this to happen. Unanswered prayers. I just wish Heavenly Father would let us in on the plan from time to time to keep us from worrying.

Overall, we are surviving. We still have our fighting spirit. We are refining our lifes meaning and goals. Life is refining us. We still have a strong faith that we are being looked after and guided by a Father in Heaven who has plans for our happiness. We can't see where we're going, unfortunately, but God doesn't really enjoy back seat drivers anyways. And who am I to try and give directions to Him? I get lost in the parking lot most of the time.

Every Who Down in Whoville...

2010-12-17T16:59:00.000-08:00

Letters to Santa...

2010-12-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

Gwen has asked Santa for a porcupine this year. Last year it was sunflower seeds- I got off easy. This year a freaking porcupine. So, after much puppy dog eyes, Wade is letting Santa bring her a baby hedgehog. It's going to be pretty magical. I'm sooo excited for Christmas!

Antler Day and other joys...

2010-12-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

Gwen's class had antler day yesterday. So, I whipped up this adorable antler headband for her to wear. I think it came out super cute for a "night before class project". The Christmas excitement is in full force in our house. The tree is up, the advent calender is filled with chocolate... which has been funny. The week Dec. officially started, Gwen would wake up and ask me what day it was. I didn't think much of it and would tell her. Well, Wed. finally rolled around, and Gwen opens her eyes in the morning and immediately, 'Is it Wednesday?' I tell her yes and she SHOOTS out of bed to the advent calender to open door #1. Ahhh, so that's what she's been waiting for!

She also was deep in thought one morning and looks over at me and asks, "Mommy, if I don't get anything in my stocking- you're going to be asking me alot of questions, aren't you?" She was concerned she'd have to fess up if Santa had put her on the naughty list! She also was asking me how the elves and Santa knew if she'd been good or not. She thinks about it for a few minutes and then says, "I bet they talk to my guardian angels." And she is convinced that her great grampa Welch is one of those. I tell her all the time about what a kick he'd get out of her, how they share that same mischievous potty humor, and the joy of finding awesome deals at garage sales and thrift stores... they would have been good buddies. I assured her she didn't need to worry about great grampa ratting her out, he'd make sure Santa brought her something nice.

"it is really simple dad, green is up, red is down, what is so difficult?"

2010-12-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

Some dads get picture of puppies... not me. Ask Gwen, Green means the stock is going up, Red means the stock is going going down. Look at the picture, and for those that are not used to reading 1st grade spelling I will decipher. the stock is going down.

This morning I was writing a blog post for anther site and she asked me what I was writing and for me to read it to her. She was so engaged, asking about new vocab words, and really getting into the business of trading. Then she went upstairs and explained it to Ellie- how insurance companies and casinos control risk, like a trade should, and that is the difference between business and gambling. I admit, it brought a little tear to my eye... I sure love that little girl. Washington Papa, you will notice the picture looks like Real Time Markets. Thank you for being such a great dad. I can only hope Gwen will appreciate and adore me as much as I do you.

When I Grow Up...

2010-12-02T15:21:00.000-08:00

Gwen: When I grow up I am going to be a stunt woman for 6 days, and then become a vet.
6 days is a week, right?

Me: Well, a week is actually 7 days.

Gwen: But you can't count Sunday, mommy. I can't work on Sunday.

Me: In that case, Gwen, yes- a week is 6 days.

Just when I'm thinking I'm not doing a very good job being an example Gwen goes and says things like this. Makes a momma proud, I tell you.

A snippet of what we've been up to...

2010-11-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

I know it's been forever since I've posted! Things have just been crazy over this way. Gwen is growing up so fast- it's unbelievable. She played on her first soccer team this fall, she really had some fun. Her two besties, Isabella and Sabrina, were on her team as well. She started 1st grade. She has really blossomed with school as well. She had made leap and bounds of progress with her reading- but math seems to really be her strong suit! I don't know how that happened! Her new cousin, Aaron, was born. She loves holding him. She is so good with him! I lost my camera for awhile, so there is much that went undocumented!

Hay Baling Fun...

2010-09-21T22:55:00.001-07:00

Roadtrip!

2010-07-15T10:21:00.001-07:00

Some Gwen-isms from the road:

Uncle Jim: If they don't find you handsome, at least they can find you handy!
Gwen: I think you're handsome, Uncle Jim! And you're a lot smarter than you look!

Uncle Jim: So does your mommy tell you everyday how smart, beautiful, and good you are?
Gwen: ...no.
Uncle Jim: Well, you are. I'll tell you that everyday.
Gwen: Well, I'll tell you that everyday too, and give you TWO noogies! And I'm sorry to say, but it's WAY past noogie time! (here she proceeds to charge towards him with her fist noogie ready).

Gwen: Mommy, when I grow up and get married and my husband dies, am I allowed to get married again?
Me: Yeah...
Gwen: Oh good! Then I'm going to marry an old guy and then when he dies I'll get a young one!
Me: Why would you want to do that Gwen?
Gwen: Well, maybe the old guy will have a stack of money this big (she holds her hands apart) and that will give me time to find a good one!

Autumn- trying to discreetly talk to me: My dog hasn't yet gone to the vet for the surgery...
Gwen- at the top of her voice across the room: You mean to get his balls cut off! That's what those are called, you know! Balls!
(thank you neighbor boys for teaching my little girl new vocabulary... sheesh)

Gwen- after Nonna tried unsuccessfully to pull her loose tooth: That hurt more than 200,000 splinters!!!!

Gwen's 6th Birthday...

2010-07-15T09:19:00.001-07:00

I am finally getting some pics up of Gwen's Viking party! It was a great time. We decorated shields, had a wrapping paper tube sword fight, hunted for dragon eggs, and had some great viking food (miniature "turkey" legs, mac n cheese, smore's, veggies, etc.) My mom, who flew in from Italy the night before, really rallied and helped me make a ton of wings. They were soo yummy. I made a pineapple teriyaki and she made classic buffalo. My sister made the amazing cake! Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen! She totally outdid herself! She will forever be my go-to for cool cakes. We had it at my mom's house so the kids had a terrific time playing in the tree house and on her tire swing. Her yard is just way cooler than mine! Wade's parents and his sister with her fiance were able to come up for it as well. It was great having them here! And they dealt with my party planning craziness like champs. We only had one guest leave with a stitches worthy wound. So, I call that one successful Viking party!

7 Years Happily Married!

2010-05-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

We've made it 7 years!!! Can I get a "woot-woot"?! We've been so blessed- we have had a chance to do so many fun things together and have a wonderful little girl together. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! Thanks babe for all the adventures and even the misadventures! I'm glad to be on your team.

Secret Lab vs. OSHA

2010-04-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Wade has a "secret lab". In this lab crayons are fixed, batteries are replaced, Slinkys are untangled, root beer is made, super hero elixirs are stored, and all sorts of various acts of mischief are plotted and planned. Without this secret lab so many of the duties of being an awesome Daddy and Uncle would become mundane. It's a magical place. The kids make special requests of Wade to take this or that down to the lab to be fixed. Most of it makes it back it out- but sometimes a ray gun will misfire or some other type of equipment failure will occur and the item will be incinerated- never to be seen again. It's a sad but acceptable loss when dealing with secret labs.

Our nephew Jared is determined to find the lab. He has some clues- he knows there is a printer, some screwdrivers and he assumes a fridge. But his main motivation in finding this hidden lair is not what most 5 year old boys would be- he is sincerely concerned that his Uncle may not be following the safety guidelines put out by OSHA. He wants to make sure that there is proper eye protection in place and probably that the circuits are not being overloaded. He is adamant that Uncle Wade needs a safety review. and he's right. I've been to the lair- the circuits are overloaded and I have yet to see a pair of safety goggles. But seeing as the fines for violations will affect me, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

How To Train Your Dragon...

2010-03-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

I had pretty high expectations of this movie- and I tell you what, it exceeded every single one of them. The story was fantastic- way way way better then the book even! I loved the father, Stoick. The speeches he makes are priceless. The main character, Hiccup, was fantastic, too... really ALL the characters were fantastic. The plot line of fitting in, and living up to parental expectations, and finding your own niche was touching. The animation was breathtaking! The lighting and fog were their own characters! It was by far one of the prettiest animated movies I have ever seen. The action got a little intense for the kids at one point, but they don't keep the suspense up for too long so there wasn't any sobbing on my lap type of thing going on. A+++

...and don't ask me why the Vikings all had Scottish accents. I don't know.

CNA

2010-03-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

I passed my final state exam this week and am officially a Certified Nursing Assistant now. It was a really good experience being back in school mode. I really liked the distance learning part- it was SO convenient being able to do the book work from home on my own schedule. And the on site clinicals were, er, very enlightening. The original inspiration for me starting down this road was because I really want to get into energy medicine. There are two roads you can take into energy medicine- nursing or massage therapy. I didn't really like the idea of becoming a massage therapist and so decided to pursue the nursing course and here in ID, you have to have your CNA before you can apply for nursing school (rather brilliant I think- it gives you a chance to get your hands dirty and see if you even like the work). Plus, in my stays at the hospital, the CNAs were great. They were the nurturing part of the team and this aspect interested me. As it turns out, I'm not positive I have the stomach for it.

The book work part was great- no problems there. But my times in the nursing home.... ugh- the smells. I'd have to say 90% of a CNAs job in a nursing home is wiping butts.... and colostomy bags. I had to resort to using a good dose of dragon balm on my nose to prevent myself from gagging. (insert shiver here) ...and I thought massage therapy was intimate.

I did better at the hospital, until they put me in the ER. Yeah- I was in there for 15 minutes tops when a Code Blue came in (a man in cardiac arrest). They rush us (another student was with me at the time) into the room and stick us in a corner before they brought the man in. They were performing CPR on him and looking for a pulse and I am in my little corner praying for this man with all my might... and I start to swoon. I thankfully had the good sense to sneak out and sit down because I then passed out. It was weird- I didn't even know I had passed out. I was dreaming I was sitting there in the nurses station watching all the hustle and bustle, phones ringing, etc when I hear someone calling my name. I am looking around trying to figure out where it was coming from when I realize I have my eyes closed. It took me a moment to figure out how to open my eyes and there are 5 or 6 people hovering over me. It was pretty embarrassing. They had me lay down in one of the rooms. I was starting to feel better when I asked how the man was- he had died. I lost it. I just started crying and couldn't stop.

When the paramedics brought him in they had said they had arrived on scene- the man had time to say "help me" and then seized right in front of them. They were able to start CPR right away and had him to the ER in 10 minutes. He was only 56. It still bothers me remembering it. I hung around in the lounge for about 2 hours trying pull myself together. Every time I tried going back into the ER I felt like I was going to vomit and had to run for a bathroom. My teacher said I suffering from shock and sent me home. So, I'm not sure whether I should even pursue nursing from here or not. Heaven forbid I actually see blood or something. ... *sigh* I just don't know.

Gwen's Art...

2010-03-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

a dog riding a bike. (notice the worms in the hillside)

a girl burping her ABCs. I love how she expressed burping as little flesh toned bubbles.

this is one of my absolute favorites. This is a picture of Papa, Nonna, and Daddy. Notice that Papa is wearing a dress, much to his own dismay, and Daddy is naked (and she made is nose extra crooked). She is such a tease!

a self portrait. notice the two more triangular teeth on the bottom, those are her loose teeth!

Visual Artist Day...

2010-03-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sorenson has theme days every so often, where the kids are allowed to exchange wearing their uniforms for a themed costume. The last one was "silly word" day- and all they had to do was tape a silly word to their shirts and wah-la. But today was Visual Artist Day. They could come dressed as any visual artist- be it painter, singer, actor, whatever. So exciting! Gwen went as Frida Kahlo.

Gwen...

2010-03-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

Best Discovery Yet of 2010

2010-03-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

Add some of this to your pancake mix. You won't regret it.

Chapter Books!!!

2010-02-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

Gwen's latest "reads" (meaning we are reading to her; our girl's good, but she's not that good, yet!)

sick in bed...

2010-02-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I feel like I have been sick forever. It's only been about 5 days, but still! C'mon already! I had to miss my clinicals yesterday, which is a total nuisance to have to reschedule. Gwen is coming down with all of it now, too. Thankfully Wade has been gone, so hopefully he won't catch it.

Baby Alive...

2010-02-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

I asked Gwen this morning to plan a special Mommy/Gwen activity for this evening and she decided upon going shopping. She has been saving her allowance for awhile now and it's been burning a big ol' hole in her pocket. Up to this point I haven't let her spend any of it- I've been making her "sleep on it" whenever something catches her fancy. I think it all came to a head last night when she tried stealing a stuffed animal from the thrift store. She had it stuffed down into her undies- she walked past me and her butt was huge. She was soo embarrassed when I caught her. I don't think she'll be trying that again anytime soon.

So anyways, she's been sleeping on buying a Zhu Zhu pet. We headed on down to Fred Meyers to pick one out. We chose a cute one, but she wanted to take a look around the toy section to make sure it was really what she wanted. That was when she saw the Baby Alive (one of those dolls that pees and poops). She has been pining for one of these dolls for over 2 years now. I always said no because I don't need another something to clean up after. But when she put together that it was her money and that I had no veto powers, she quickly put the hamster back on the shelf. She really wanted the baby that had the real hair vs. plastic, so we grabbed some accessory diaper bag stuff and headed home to price shop.

We pulled up Amazon, Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Toy R Us and compared the different editions of the doll and the prices. Gwen told me she wanted the "best deal- and that means the cheapest, Mom". The one with the plastic hair was the cheapest, but when we read the product description we found out that it didn't speak. It not talking was a "deal breaker" and so we went with the next cheapest. She is sooo excited. She made a little calender to count down the shipping days. She has already packed a little diaper bag and set up a stroller and a little bed. She has even already arranged babysitting for when she is in school- I was honored with the request. It ended up being a really fun night with my girl.

Red Plate Day...

2010-02-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

We've had two red plate days in a row! Yesterday it was because (drum roll, please) THE SUTTON FAMILY IS OFFICIALLY INSURED!!!

and today Gwen is Special Person at school! She's pretty excited about this! She gets to bring in a show and tell and be special helper all day. Her bedtime prayer last night was completely special person focused. "Please help me be a good speaker. Help me be a good class helper. Help me be a good line leader." She is taking her duties seriously.

The red plate is a wonderful little tradition. We bust it out anytime we want to celebrate something- whether it's a birthday, a good grade, a promotion, whatever we feel is enough reason to let that person know how special they are. Gwen gets so excited when it's a red plate day. I would highly recommend getting a red plate to everyone.

You can order one here.

Owl Poop...

2010-01-15T17:26:00.000-08:00

The coolest souvenir from a natural history museum EVER!!!

get your own here or here!!!

...and a happy new year!!!

2010-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

I got a call Friday from the elementary school that ditched me last Aug.- there was an unexpected opening in the afternoon kindergarten, was I interested? Hell yes!!! Gwen started there today, and oh my goodness, there is already such a difference! I am so so so happy. When I took her in there today, they already had a locker for her, a cubby with her name on it, and a spot at a table with her name on it. The class had been prepped and pumped about welcoming her and the teacher made a targeted effort with Gwen during recess to make sure she had friends to play with. Gwen had a wonderful first day. She's already thrilled to go back tomorrow and told me she wishes she could go three times a day. THIS is what I had imagined for her kindergarten year. not the pleading and begging to not have to go school that I have been getting up to this point. And the timing for switching schools really worked out well- she's been out of school for three weeks (Christmas + trip to Ohio), her teacher just had her baby and so she would have been having a sub for the next couple of months anyways, and she's been having some issues with a bully in her class that she wasn't too thrilled to get back to. thank you thank you thank you for answered prayers!!!

more Christmas magic and other adventures...

2010-01-10T14:58:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. After much himmin and hawin we ended up just staying home this year. We went to my parents place for a big Christmas Eve dinner and exchanged all the nieces and nephews gifts. Gwen got her first pair of danglie earrings from Auntie Sarah! She was so thrilled. She calls them her "danglies". It ended up being very traumatic for the both of us getting them in. I let her go earring-less for a day, and when we went to put them back in in the evening- oh-my-gosh. There were tears (on my part), blood (on Gwen's part), and prayer (on both of our parts). blech, I am getting queasy just remembering it! There I am trying to get this earring in- Gwen's ears are bleeding- and she's standing there praying "Please let Mommy be able to do what she needs to do to get my earrings in". It was heart wrenching. Mom and Dad got her (among other things) a "pookie whistle"- basically a whistle version of the whoopie cushion. Gwen loves it, as you can imagine.

We got home and put some healthy treats out for Santa and got Gwen ready for bed. She wasn't in bed for long when we heard some loud stomps on the roof. Wade and I ran into Gwen's room... she had upon hearing the sounds pulled her blankets up over her head and was refusing to budge. We thought she'd run out into to the living to see Santa, but nope, she laid there under her blankets. So I said I was gonna go look- and called her out to the living room to see the proof that Santa had been there. Her stocking lay spilled on the floor with a trail of goodies going up into the chimney. She finally reluctantly came out and was so excited to see her stocking. She got a little serious and asked to see me to show her my ears... I did and then asked her why. She said she was just making sure I hadn't been turned into an elf! I don't know where she got that idea, but she was serious.

Our neighbors got their boys a baby doxie for Christmas which we got to babysit until the big Christmas revealing! Gwen was so thrilled to have a little puppy to dote on, even if it was just for a day. His name is Louie and he actually really liked all of Gwen's attention! Where Jack tends to run the other way, Louie sought her out. He snuggled up in her snuggle pockie all night and was just happy as a clam to be carried around and loved on. Gwen at one point, cradling Louie like a baby, looked down at his tummy and asked me what a "certain part" was. I told her- testicles. She said the word- kind of rolling it around in her mouth and then asked if girls had testicles. I told her no, that girls had ovaries. Then without skipping a beat says, "Oh, I'm so glad. Ovaries sound so much fancier!"

Christmas morning Gwen wakes up and was so excited to see that Santa had come back to eat his snacks and brought her something extra special because she has been such an amazing helper this year, especially when mommy was in the hospital and not feeling very well. She had so many presents under the tree that she had to take a break from unwrapping! It was a really nice relaxing day.

... a moment of gratitude...

2009-12-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity today to be a witness of the power of a community... for the better and for the worse. As most of you know, I have been working with the health department with the H1N1 vaccinations. We have been focused mainly on the public schools, but those being complete we are now branching out. Today I worked at two different locations, the first a home for un-fosterable children; the second a recreation center/job training/ home for disabled adults. What struck me was what a difference the people in ones lives make. At the children's home we weren't able to do many vaccinations (maybe 4 tops). The main reason for this was there were no legal guardians to sign the consents... It just broke my heart. Here there are these children, most likely born completely healthy with the entire world in front of them... but through the people they had surrounding them, people who chose to abuse them, to tear them down, to chisel away at them body and mind year after year, they are now left alone and broken- struggling daily to live in this world. But at the home for the disabled, these were children that had been born broken, but the people around them chose to empower them and build them up and they are now able to live independent and joyful lives, far beyond what they could have acheived on their own. The power of a community. I take this moment to say thank you to all of the people in my own life that lived and loved in such a way as to be a support and a strength to me: my family, my friends, my teachers. Thank you. My life is whole and good because of you. Thank you.

a nail in the coffin...

2009-11-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

I had to call the IRS today to verify the receipt of a payment... and I was routed to a call center in India. THE IRS USES A CALL CENTER IN INDIA!!!! I was not expecting this. Now I am normally not categorically opposed of the outsourcing of jobs- I feel a bit Darwinian about the whole thing, but this disturbed me.

excuses, excuses, excuses...

2009-11-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

This is my excuse for slacking on the blog front- I am a working girl, now! A few weeks ago I got hired on at the Health District to help out with the swine flu vaccination clinics. I get to travel around to different schools in the 5 counties and work with a team of RNs. It's a barrel of fun. I am really enjoying getting out of the house a bit. It's a temp job- it'll probably wrap up here in the next few weeks, but it's been nice. I have, of late, been kinda struggling with some depression, which is totally a new thing for me. The emotions of everything that has happened this past year have finally caught up with me. So I was really needing a distraction. I am just so grateful for this job right now! I am trying to get enrolled into a CNA program for January. They are looking full as of now, but I'm gonna go in and try to get myself squeezed into one. Wish me luck! ...and stay healthy!

Halloween '09

2009-11-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

We had a GREAT Halloween this year! Gwen dressed up as an evil scientist- she had the evil MWA-HAHAHA down and everything! I got to go to school with her and help out with her class party. That was a lot of fun. She treated me to breakfast at school in the morning (foods really not that good, but she loves eating in the cafeteria). All the kids made a big deal about her costume. She was very proud of it. I thought there'd be tons of evil scientists, but no - she was the only one I saw that day. We got her some bouncy ball eye balls to pass out to her classmates, which was a huge hit.

For trick or treating we headed down town. It was pretty chaotic down there. The best loot she got was a miniature deck of cards from Fig Pickles. We happened to see her old pre-school teacher which Gwen was thrilled about. And we stopped and got some ice cream from Bruttles along the way, a stop I just may turn into a tradition. Then we went to the Kroc center for their Pirate Party. It was awesome. They gave Gwen a treasure map at the door and there was a red dash trail taped to the floor that went to different trick or treating stations- all of them pirate themed. They were really cute, one was a stranded pirate surrounded by shark fins, there was buried treasure in a cave, things like that.

The big high light of the evening was that there was candy taped all over the rock climbing wall! Gwen got to climb up it and knock it down as she went, well, we were lucky when all she did was knock it down. If she was close enough she'd untape it and wing it down at us complete with evil laugh; I'm honestly grateful I came out of it with no black eyes. She LOVES rock climbing. And in the cove pool they had blow up alligators, palm trees and parrots and probably 2-3 dozen pumpkins floating in the water! It was the funnest event! Then we got to come home and head to a neighbors house for chili and cornbread (with a little extra trick and treating thrown in for good measure). It was the best Halloween to date! Good memories.

Curiosity....

2009-10-06T13:01:00.001-07:00

By Alastair Reid

Curiosity

may have killed the cat; more likely
the cat was just unlucky, or else curious
to see what death was like, having no cause
to go on licking paws, or fathering
litter on litter of kittens, predictably.

Nevertheless, to be curious
is dangerous enough. To distrust
what is always said, what seems
to ask odd questions, interfere in dreams,
leave home, smell rats, have hunches
do not endear cats to those doggy circles
where well-smelt baskets, suitable wives, good lunches
are the order of things, and where prevails
much wagging of incurious heads and tails.

Face it. Curiosity
will not cause us to die--
only lack of it will.
Never to want to see
the other side of the hill
or that improbable country
where living is an idyll
(although a probable hell)
would kill us all.

Only the curious have, if they live, a tale
worth telling at all.

Dogs say cats love too much, are irresponsible,
are changeable, marry too many wives,
desert their children, chill all dinner tables
with tales of their nine lives.
Well, they are lucky. Let them be
nine-lived and contradictory,
curious enough to change, prepared to pay
the cat price, which is to die
and die again and again,
each time with no less pain.
A cat minority of one
is all that can be counted on
to tell the truth. And what cats have to tell
on each return from hell
is this: that dying is what the living do,
that dying is what the loving do,
and that dead dogs are those who do not know
that dying is what, to live, each has to do.

...i'm going back to bed now, call me when it's over...

2009-10-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

ugh. what a week. We got denied for the county program that reduces the medical bills. total bummer. honestly still reeling from the news. So, we just need to start negotiating with all the individual doctors offices, etc. Not looking forward to that- I was really hoping to just have it all resolved in a neat little package by now... but no. blech. and in what was supposed to be a simple home maintenance procedure (of replacing the wax ring under the toilet) we discovered our bathroom floor is rotting and in need of a remodel. Home ownership is so over rated. We are really missing the ability to call the landlord right about now. might as well just go buy another case of dr. pepper- looks like I'm gonna be needing it.

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

2009-09-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

This ended up being my favorite picture from the whole vacation. The grace and beauty of the waterfall... the regal arch of Wade's flight through the air... the scream of panic as he fails to be able to correct his angle as he is hurtling towards the water... it turns out that swan dives are a lot harder than they look.

Well, the vacation is over. We are readjusting back to real life. It felt good to be back on the island... it felt like going home. And it really is the closest thing to a home town I have. I learned to drive there, I had my first kiss there, my first heartbreak, my first job... my first time living outside of my parents house, my first temple, I met my husband there, had my first baby... Hawaii is more a part of me than I really realized until I was away for a long time and then went back. All the sights and smells that bombarded my senses- the little things I found myself missing; the tang of fermenting fruit on the hiking trails, the pulse of the ocean, the scents of flowers and salt in the breeze, the lilt of pidgen being spoken, the food-oh, the food... the spam musubi, the plate lunches with two scoops of rice and mac salad, the shave ice, the fruit, the bubble teas, the mochi crunch, the crack seed... I felt like I was coming home. There were things that had changed. Like new wrinkles on a familiar face. Staying at the hotel and having to rent a car and go with tour groups to old familiar locations pained me. It was like having your mother come down with alzheimers... you remember her; she is in your bones... but she can't seem to quite remember you. I hated feeling like an outsider. I still got kama 'aina rates on most everything... but I hated feeling the doubt... I have appreciated my life as an army brat. I have gotten to see so many places and I feel like it has really contributed to the person I have become. But sometimes I feel the lack of not being able to claim a place %100. Perhaps it's because I am so disconnected here. On the plane ride back to Idaho it felt like I was going back to live on an alien planet. I realized Idaho has not imprinted anything on me in these 2 1/2 years I've been here. I am looking forward to finding my place in this world. and I am grateful to know Hawaii will always be a part of me.

another day in paradise...

2009-09-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

...these birds honestly scare me (hence the maniacal look in my eyes)...

Hiking to Moana Falls... I was with my old friend from college, Kat Newman, and her husband and all the good pictures are on her camera

Stopped at Dog the Bounty Hunters Bail Bonds Shop... I couldn't resist this t-shirt- it's titled "Lead by Jesus"

Gwen stealing my flower while riding the Bus...

at the Waikiki Aquarium...

and yesterday we swam with dolphins, but have to wait until we get our underwater camera developed and today we head to the North Shore. Gosh, I miss this place!

Aloha Honolulu!!!!

2009-09-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

WE ARE HERE!!! woo hoo!
On the plane over, Gwen asked me if we could jump in the ocean as soon as we got here. It ended up being really late by the time we got to our hotel, I offered to take her, but she just wanted bed by that point! But at breakfast this morning, when she got to the table with her plate full of pineapple and took her first bite she said "FINALLY!!!" That was some juicy pineapple! Gwen had a whole stream of it rolling down her chin. I commented to her that now she knows how pineapple is juice is made- she looked at me quizzically... "they just put a cup under the chin of someone chewing on pineapples" and she said "YUCK" and switched to guava juice.

and then lunch in China town!!! We went in through the fish market to show Gwen all the super fresh ingredients. She was fascinated by a pile of snails... one was even attempting an escape. We asked her if she was excited to eat here... and she hadn't caught the vision. So she ended up with a plate of spam eggs and rice while Wade and I enjoyed some super yummy Thai food. It was awesome. After lunch Gwen had to go to the bathroom, so we went upstairs to find the restroom and while waiting in line I notice that I can see the top of the girls head in the stall... wow, she must be over 6'... flush, the sound of someone hopping off a stool... OH, she was standing up on the toilet seat. awesome. Haven't seen that since Thailand!!! So, the toilet seat was crazy dirty, so Gwen learned today how to stand and squat on the toilet. I couldn't be a prouder mamma.

happy birthday wade-o!!!

2009-09-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday, my love! I wish you were home to celebrate it, but we'll see you in a couple of days in Hawaii!!! Miss ya babe. Hope your day went well! ...(and this is posted from my phone... I'll fancy it up later when I have a real keyboard in front of me!) Love you!

First Day of Kindergarten!!!

2009-09-08T21:13:00.001-07:00

Gwen had her first day at Fernan Elementary today! I was so nervous yesterday! I was telling Gwen how I wasn't sure I was going to be able to sleep because I was so excited! She gave me the advice to just pretend we were going to go grocery shopping instead of school, and then I would be able to sleep! Brilliant! She had no problem with nerves until we got there. Then she kind of got quiet, was sucking on her finger- which she never does (?!?), and drew all of her numbers backwards. But she didn't cling at all or cry for us. We were in the classroom for the first 15 minutes and she sat at her table the whole time.

We took her to the Resort afterwards to celebrate with a Gooey. It was actually our first time ever ordering one of those- I don't know, a bowl of ice cream the size of your head just seems a bit much, but today was a special day. I actually thought she was going to end up making herself sick with the amount of ice cream and whipped cream she consumed! Gwen said she LOVED it and wanted to marry it and then proceeded to start kissing the ice cream bowl... she's such a weirdo.

Her teacher seems really nice... and really young. The school seems really disorganized. Gwens teacher got hired this past Thursday. And she had had a busy weekend planned as it was (so she told us). So she had a whopping afternoon to get ready for school to start. The classroom is actually half filled with another teachers crap that they are going to be moving out over the next couple of weeks to enable the teacher to turn it into a kindergarten room. There was also a lot of confusion in both kindergarten classes about morning vs. afternoon classes. During registration they had asked the parents which they preferred and from what I can tell they didn't even look at what the parents marked- they just assembled the classes half hazard, then didn't tell anyone what schedule they were giving the kids until this past Saturday and then were closed all weekend for the holiday so no one could get their schedule adjusted until today... it really was very disorganized... almost like they were taken by surprise that they were going to be having students arriving today. Not impressed.

It'll do for this year, though, I suppose. I am really hoping to be pleasantly surprised.

Kids Triathalon...

2009-09-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

Gwen competed in her first triathalon this past Saturday! She did so good! She's actually a little torpedo in the water, but she was quite distracted and ended up being one of the last kids out of the water! But she made up time on her bike. She was zooming!!! The photographer was running after her trying to get a picture, but no luck. She left him in the dust. The run was solid- not fast, but she didn't give up and walk either. She ended up placing 3rd in her heat!

Jared also did amazing. He was really nervous about the swimming. He still won't put his face in the water and hates being splashed, but he faced his fears and did it! I was so proud of him! and biking and running; shootz, he could do those in his sleep!

Kobe did the swim without a life jacket or floatie of any kind!!! He biked and ran like the wind. He came across that finish line just beaming!

The kids all got a medal for finishing. They were all so cute! I caught a glimpse of what Wade and I are going to be like as sports parents... uh oh. Wade at one point yelled to Gwen as she was passing another girl "RUBBING IS RACING!!!!". And as I was running along with Gwen another little girl wrecked her bike right in front of us and I actually had to consider whether or not to stop and help or to just have Gwen jump over her. (I won't say which I chose to do...)

our new favorite...

2009-08-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

a couple deep breaths and a happy place...

2009-08-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

It isn't looking like the school district is going to budge in letting Gwen into the school close to our house. We went ahead and enrolled her into the next best school (which isn't too much further, but still). When we showed up to enroll her there, they started to give us a hard time about not being able to verify if our address was in their district or not... I live right on the border of 3 school districts- the 1st, Sorensen, is a magnate school and the best in town; the 2nd, Fernan, is the second best school but it's big...; the 3rd is Bryan, and I believe that school is ghetto, even though Kobe has been attending and seems to like it, I do not want Gwen going there (I had a bad experience helping out in one of Tays classrooms where the teacher had to double check with me on the spelling of "ghost".) So, the lady at Fernan was telling me I had to enroll her in Bryan because I lived right at the border. I just about reached over the desk and strangled her at this point. I pointed out that just because you live near the Canadian border, it does not make you Canadian. I am just barely in the district, but I am in. So help her if she does not enroll my daughter. I finally had to have her pull up the school districts website and zoom way way in on their attendance zone map and pointed out that my address was purple, signifying we were in zone. She honestly seemed disappointed for not being able to hand me my walking papers... argh- the bureaucrat. So, long story short, Gwen now has a school to start come Sept. 8. Thank goodness I had yet to pull the tags off of the uniforms and was able to exchange them for more normal looking school garb. I am still annoyed about the whole process... but I left town and spent a couple of very rejuvenating days camping and hiking and am feeling much more able to cope with everything. Ahhh- the healing properties of nature and no cell service!!! I am in love with this new camping area. It was right on the river. The spot we camped in bordered an area shallow enough that I didn't have to worry about Gwen playing in it unsupervised, but if you followed it down far enough, there was a really nice swimming area. Gorgeous hiking all around- one to a series of waterfalls and one through an old growth cedar forest. Amazing. Jack was cracking us all up hiking. He was just bounding up and down the trail, up and down the mountain side- happy as a clam. In the cedar forest there were a lot of felled trees- many that had been re purposed into bridges, and Jack was loving running across them! If we walked past one, he'd perch his little paws up on the stump and look at me asking me to lift him up onto it. I'd stick him up and he'd trot down to the end and turn around and come back. Gwen did amazing climbing the root side of one giant that had fallen over. She even got some dirt in her eye at one point and almost lost her handholds, but didn't panic and continued the climb! We found the cutest rock cairn that I have ever seen! It even had a hat on! We found a little waterfall at the end that Taylor and I jumped off of. The water was FREEZING!!! but so worth it. I am already itching to go back! I'm hoping for an Indian summer that we can fit in some more camping before the chill sets in.

really... what else can happen to us?!!!

2009-08-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

On a whim, I checked out Gwens schools website today. I was puzzled to see that they said that registration was closed, considering we'd been told to go in tomorrow to register. I call... and sure enough- schools full, better luck next year. WTF!!!! The first registration date was during my stay at the hospital. I had called the school district when I got out, and they assured me it was not a problem, to just come in Aug. 25... no worries. The woman did not know what the heck she was talking about and now Gwen can't get into the school that I have already bought all the school supplies and uniforms for. I am distraught. I keep telling myself that it is ok- it's just kindergarten, what school she goes to does not really matter. ....it isn't working. I'm one more piece of bad news away from either going catatonic or building home made bombs out of my garage. really, you just couldn't let gwens starting school just be? why do we keep getting hit with this crap!

Books I Loved As a Kid...

2009-08-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

Gwen will be learning how to read this year!!! I am so excited! These are a few of the books that really captured my imagination when I was a kid. I can't wait to read these with her! This is actually the first time I have felt excitement about my girl growing up! I have been mourning the loss of my "baby". But it really is going to be so much fun having a school age kid that can really get into things. ooh- I am so excited. A whole new world is about to open up!

... what were some of your favorite books?

lucky lucky me!

2009-08-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

Wade got his first celebrity shout out this weekend! My chiropracter told me that he'd just figured out who my husband reminds him of- Adrian Brody. and I agree. I have thought so for awhile, but it's the first time someone else has brought it up. Wade was excited to get his first shout out- I get them all the time and so he's pretty excited to be half of a celebrity look a like power couple. He is too adorable.

...

2009-08-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

it's been about 7 months now since my older sister was arrested for child endangerment. she moved here to idaho a couple of months after i did when her marriage finally fell apart. her husband was emotionally and physically abusive to her and the children. i always wondered how she had stayed in that situation for as long as she did... turns out she was as abusive as her ex. i carry guilt for not having seen it all sooner... for not being more help... for not being able to assist her in being able to become a more stable home for her kids... they are just now starting to feel safe again- to be able to really open up. and I am so afraid of them being sent back to live with her. i feel like she's only fighting for them because they are with the family. if they had been placed in a strange foster home, she would be long gone. she is striking out at us by fighting for them. i have never felt so much rage and disgust at a person as i do for her.... why can't she just let her kids have a fighting chance. i am so scared that the kids won't understand when they are placed back and things are bad again why we can't come and get them... why we aren't coming to see them... wondering what they must have done wrong... they won't understand that their mom is keeping us from them. that the state won't grant us legal rights to stay in their lives. that our hands are tied and we ache to know how they are doing- that we are mourning the loss of them in our daily lives- that we love them so much it hurts. it hurts. why, lea... why are you doing this!!! let them have a chance to heal. let them have a chance to feel whole. ...i just... i just wish there was more i could do...

some more Gwen-isms...

2009-08-17T10:54:00.001-07:00

When confronted with doing something she doesn't want to:
"I'D RATHER STICK MY FACE IN COLD SLOP!!!"

When she noticed that I'd dusted the buffet:
"WOW! IT'S CLEANER THAN A PIG COVERED IN CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!"

When we asked where she'd learned how to be so funny:
"...OH, BACK IN THE SIXTIES."

family secrets spilled...

2009-08-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

Gwen is in on the phone right now giving her Washington Nonna a hard time about eating brains. Shan had told me this trip that the original stuffing to her amazing family recipe for raviolis included brains. I passed this information on to Gwen thinking she'd get a kick about the idea that her nonna ate brains when she was a little girl... and she did. She got a great kick out it, and is now harrassing her grandmother about being a zombie. oooh boy. Shan will probably never give me that ravioli recipe now.... sorry Shan!!!

...new neighbors, perhaps???

2009-08-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

While away on our vacation, our pool... uh, let's just say our pool underwent a complete transformation. It's a pond, now. Previously this summer we had approached pond status, but I just told Gwen it was mermaid water and she was fine with splashing around in the green tinged liquid until I was able to blue it up again with chemicals. But when she came home and saw the pool this time, she told Wade that if a mermaid tried swimming in that, it'd die! She then thought a few minutes and asked if we could get some lily pads and let a frog move in! Never one to waste an opportunity, that girl! But we plan on just draining it and starting afresh if it decides to warm up again.... and I really really hope it does! The frogs will just have to look elsewhere for new digs.

Bellingham...

2009-08-14T19:26:00.001-07:00

We just got home from a Sutton Family Get-Together in Bellingham, WA. We were there for 4 fun filled days. We got to go "whale" watching (Orcas are actually dolphins! Did you know that?!) We saw about 40 of these magnificent creatures- it was really amazing. One almost suspects that they knew they had an audience the way that they were hamming it up. They were swimming in formations, peeking their heads out of the water, waving their tales at us, and even breaching. Spectacular!!! I didn't even mind the cold it was so worth it! (it was a muggy Seattle August day, only needed one layer of thermals!) We also got to go kayaking- it was my first time believe it or not. And I'm hooked. Gwen hosted an art auction while we there, as well. She earned $18.50 total for all of her masterpieces. Bidding started at a quarter and went up to $2.00. If there were two competing top bids, the bidders had to woo her with an "activity coupon" (i.e. ice cream, going to a park, etc). She had some really cute pieces up for sale that included a picture of Van Halen, a fire man on the scene of a burning house, a stable filled with horses, a bat roasting a marshmallow over a campfire... Some real gems, I tell you. She had a lot of fun. She's already talking about her next auction. We also got to meet the newest Sutton, Samantha. She is adorable. It was a really fun trip and flew by too fast! We miss you all already!!!

childhoods disappointments...

2009-07-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

What was that one toy you obsessed over as a child? You know you have one. That one toy you dreamed about but never got... the ONE that got away.

For my husband, it was the Boys Life hover craft. I can imagine the reason that he never found one of these packaged up under the Christmas tree was that the kit itself was about $100 AND you had to dismantle your moms vacuum cleaner to build it. I have looked for one on ebay to surprise him with, but to no avail. My guess is the company got shut down by a class action lawsuit from angry vacuumless mothers and disappointed geeks whose dreams of flight were dashed. When you think about it, that has to be a pretty powerful constituency to piss off (I'm sure Bill Gates, civil engineers, and most high ranking military officials are a part of it).

Mine was a little fridge that was filled with school supplies disguised as food items. I wanted one of these things BAD!!!

Isn't it cute?!!! My sister and I used to just gaze at the catalog entry on it... It was one of those school fund raiser prizes. We had to sell magazines or something to earn it. And we were not allowed to go sell things door to door; sigh. We would still talk about it occassionally.

Well, I went into an antique store here in town this week and found one!!! I literally screamed. It had almost everything in it! It was missing the scissors, the cake tape measure and the push pins... but it was a beautiful victory nonetheless. I was planning on surprising my sister with it for Christmas, but I couldn't wait. I ended up going over the same night to give it to her. ahhh. I need to plan a play date so I can go over and play with it some time!

So, let's hear it. What were some of your dream toys????

the Blands!!!!

2009-07-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Kiera has been up visiting for the past two weeks. It has been soo much fun having her and her two kids here. I so wish we lived closer together. Here are a few pics of the kids... for some reason I have NONE with me in and only one with Kiera!!! and that really was not intentional... I guess when there are three adorable kids running around it's easy to forget to throw the moms in a couple of the photos!

My Little Water Bug!!!!

2009-07-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

Gwen started swim lessons this summer. She failed to pass her level 1 class the first time. She was too busy flirting with the teacher to do anything else (I pray her kindergarten teacher is a lady). Then for the second round of level 1, she had a terrible stomach flu and so missed half of the classes! But our good friends, the Blands, were up visiting and the kids spent a good amount of time in our little pool. Gwen picked up a lot from watching Kaitlynn swim. She has made huge leaps this past week! Take a peek!

a girl and her plans...

2009-07-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

Gwen and I woke up at 5 am today to take Wade to the airport (he's heading over to Malaysia for a couple of weeks for work). We went back to bed when we got home and Gwen slept in to an unprecedented 10:30! I had gotten up earlier and snuck out to the front room so as not to wake her. Well, when she woke up she was commenting on how much she slept and I told her that she must be growing! She got a sweet smile on her face and said, "you want me to grow up so you can have a baby to babysit, don't you!" She is convinced that I am not going to be getting her a baby sister and so now is just looking forward to having a baby herself. Hey, at least she has a plan B. I told her she would need to get married first and she said she'd start asking every boy to marry her! She's just too cute. I really hope we can give her a baby sibling- hopefully it's in the cards for us, but we'll see. Gwen is making back up plans just to be safe.

Fun Times in Idaho...

2009-06-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is why we live here. You really can not beat summer in North Idaho. We had our first camping trip of the season this week. Ahh, it was good to be outside! The s'mores were delicious, the fire warm, the garnets big and the moose... err, fast. Gwen made herself a little caterpillar friend at the campsite. She toted that little guy around for a long time! She finally set him free off in the bushes, and anytime anyone went over into that area she would remind them to be careful not to step on her little buddy. Jared won the award for the dirtiest a person can possibly get in 5 minutes- the guy has a talent, I swear! By the end he was a total mud ball! Nathan wasn't far behind! Check out his socks in the picture at the sluice box! Good times!

Car d'Lane...

2009-06-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Car d'Lane... ummm, yummy cars. My favs this year were a '68 Camaro convertable and and a 1958 Catalina, but the Bel Airs were delectable as well. Still can't decide who I love more; muscle or fins and chrome? For now, I'll just dream of one of each...

Pre-School Graduation...

2009-06-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Gwen officially made it through pre-school! There were a couple of times in there where I was doubtful, mainly the days that her teacher told me she refused to participate because "it was boring", but we made it through and now have a certificate to prove it! She has learned all her letters and their sounds and can count to about 15. Her handwriting has gotten to be SO good! And she has really improved in her playing well with others skills (though she still runs with scissors- but that may just be in her genes, we'll see).

The school did a little graduation ceremony. Magic was the theme and so all the little kids came dressed up as fairies, princesses, knights and wizards. To introduce each of the children on stage, the teacher had asked each one if they could have one wish granted what would it be and read their responses as the child walked out. There were a lot of wishes for a thousand toys and puppies and things like that, but when Gwens turn came up, her wish was that her mommy would feel better soon. I just about started crying. She is such a tender heart. I am so proud of my girl! Of all the pre-school achievements I could brag about, her sympathy towards others is the most impressive I'd say. Way to go, Gwen!

...what? say that again!

2009-06-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in my room while Gwen was in her bath, and she was just chatting with me. This is part of the conversation- or at least what I thought was being said...

Gwen: Is "nuts" a bad word? (Kobe uses this word and "tartar sauce" to express aggravation, I figured this was why she was asking)
Me: No, it's not a bad word.
Gwen: It's like saying "penis", right?
Me: WHAT!? What did you say?
Gwen: Penis... penis, like what you eat...
Me: OH! PEANUTS!!! (a sigh of relief) Yes, it's short for peanuts, Gwen.

Passing the Time...

2009-06-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Since I am still not really back on my feet yet, I have been spending a lot of time reading and watching movies, nice sedentary activies that they are. If anyone has any recommendations for either, Please make them known. I have stumbled upon some treasures that I am sure I am the last to find, but just in case I am not, I thought I'd share so you, too, may find some new media to love.

The first is Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen. I've always loved Jane Austen... um, the movies anyways. Up to this point I had only ever actually read Pride and Prejudice. All of Austens other stories I only knew via BBC (shameful, I know). But I picked up my gigantic Austen Collection and discovered the gem that is Northanger Abbey. I loved it! It's crazy short and hilarious! This is a heroine I can honestly relate with! I also read Emma, it was good as well, but it didn't hit me like Northanger Abbey.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. You can find this on hulu or youtube and it is awesome. I think I am the last one at this party- but in case I'm not and beat one of you to it, check it out. Worth your time.

Wading our way through the Red Box....

2009-06-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

The International: Moral of the story- DON'T MESS WITH THE ITALIANS!!! They invented organized crime! International bank wannabes. hmph.

Revolutionary Road: This movie is still echoing about in my mind. It was beautifully made- you really felt like you were watching real people. It really made me think. I liked it, even though it ended so sadly.

He's Just Not That Into You: meh...??? I honestly can't say if I liked this movie or not... All I can remember are the eyebrows. There had to have been TEAMS of eyebrow shapers in constant employment during this film. It was all I could look at. Precision shaped eyebrows on everyone. It was incredible.

The Spirit: TERRIBLE!!! I'd have to say this was one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen. Not that I was that surprised, I had very little in ways of expectations for this film and yet it fell deplorably short of even those.

a light at the end of the tunnel...

2009-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

Ok. So my doctor is convinced that the huge (for those who haven't heard it's 5 inches wide and almost the same tall) complcated mass behind my uterus is indeed a bloodclot. This would go along with his suspician that I was having continued internal bleeding in the hospital and why I had to have 2 additional transfusions well after the surgery. This clot also explains the pain I am still experiencing and why I am running a lot of fevers and why my energy is still low. So it's up to my body to break the thing down and dispose of it- so I will not be going back into surgery, YIPPEE. I had an amazing energy session yesterday, and I really feel like we found the missing key for my body to be able to finally heal. So I am feeling very hopeful that it's all going to improve very quickly from here! I am once again so amazed by energy medicine and just in awe at the system Heavenly Father put into place to assist in our already amazing bodys way to heal itself. So hopefully this is my last health update until I am able to type "Fully Recovered".... ooh, I can't wait!!!

UP....

2009-06-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

I LOVED this movie. I don't think it is a plot line that many kids, especially younger ones, will enjoy- Gwen was either bored or on my lap asking me to cover her eyes because the suspense and action were too much for her- an odd combo, I admit, but there it is. I found it to be an utter treasure. A great date night movie. The basic moral of the story is that the real adventures of life are usually found in the "boring" moments shared with a loved one. A great lesson to be reminded of. I cried like a baby through a number of scenes- it is a really touching film. Go see it.

Crime wave...

2009-05-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

We had out first brush with crime in the neighborhood, today. It really was rather terrifying. I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe here again. What happened was this: it was mid-day and a teen age boy and another boy who looked to be around ten came walking down our street. My neighbor, John, was sitting on his front porch watering his yard. The kids stopped and asked him for a drink, and so he unhooked his sprinkler and let them take a drink from the hose. They said thank you, and while his back was turned to rehook his sprinkler... here's the horrific crime part... the kids walked across the street and tried stealing our other neighbors shoes that were out drying!!!! Mark was inside his house and was watching the kid approach his shoes, waited until the kid had taken his own shoes off and had his in hand and then came out of the house. The teen ran, Mark started to run after him, the teen dropped the pilfered shoes and kept going... totally ditching the 10 year old. I was in my dining room during this and so witnessed most it. I love living in a town that this has been my first brush with crime and just how innocent it is! Sacramento was a different world, man. So, now this shoe theif is shoeless- he's desperate! I wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight...

black cats, broken mirrors and me...

2009-05-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to think I am plagued or something. Am running a fever, so went into the doctor; he did another internal exam which hurt like the dickens which means there is a mass on the back of my uterus. He guesses it's a blood clot that my body has not absorbed yet... and that is also why I am still hurting so much. I go in for an ultrasound Monday. All I can say is morale is low.

***UPDATE: There is a "10cm wide complicated mass attached to the back of my uterus." Both the radiologist and the doctor don't know what it is. The doctor is gonna take a look at the blood work I had had done on Fri. and call me back tomorrow. (insert suspenseful music here...)

Happy Birthday Gwen!!!!

2009-05-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

My baby girl turned 5 today! Here are a few pics to sum up the day. She had a rockin' Littlest Pet Shop birthday party. It was a great party. Thank you so much Wade, Sarah and Mom for helping me pull it off! I never could have done it without y'all. (In fact, what I did contribute just about crushed me. But I was stupid and was trying to run around with all of them during the games... yeah, bad idea on my part.) Some of the pics below are Nonna doing the face painting! The coolest invites EVER! The spread (mini cupcakes compliments of Auntie Sarah so they were actually cute and tasty!). The awesome new bike WA Nonna and Papa sent her. And some action shots. Happy Birthday Princess! We love you!!!

...Network Scum!!!!

2009-05-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

First Pushing Daisies, and now EARL!!! Why do I even bother watching TV!!! You cancel all the best shows! and yet keep The Bachelor and how many versions of CSI?!! So Parks and Rec is what they are putting in Earls place... another copycat show. We already have The Office, Amy Poehler, get your own shtick. ...I'll miss you Earl. ...TV, you are dead to me now.

....the passing of an era...

2009-05-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

Since the first night of Gwen sleeping in her own room, she always wakes us up in the morning by calling out,"Anyone want some snuggles?!" To which we always reply Yes! Pick me, pick me! And she will come in and we have a nice cuddly time laughing and talking before we start our day. This morning it didn't happen! We heard her awake in her room, playing with something. I called out to her "Whatcha doin?" She says playing with some pet shops... Wade then says "Anyone want some snuggles?" And she says "Not right now, Dad. I'm busy". !!!! So I ask the same question and she replies by telling us not to be sad and that we get what we get and we don't throw a fit. Hmmm... my baby is finding other interests in her life. She is growing up too fast. How do I slow this train down!? Wade has gone into her room and has joined her playing petshops and watching Hotel For Dogs... I think I'll go join them. Hey... what's the saying about if Mohammad won't go to the mountain... then the mountain will go to Mohammad.

Gwens Recital...

2009-05-15T09:00:00.001-07:00

Gwen had her "dance recital" this week. I think it was more of a disorganized display of kids just running around in tutus and throwing in some dance moves now and again. Seriously, it was bad. I'm a proud parent and I had a hard time paying attention at times. (but my girl was the cutest one there) It was held at an Alzheimer's facility on behalf of the residents there. I'm not really sure how excited any of them were... they all kind of had a look of "Here we go again. Have to sit through another one of these stupid charitable shows. I haven't completely lost my mind as to find any of this entertaining... what time is supper again?"

The first song turned out to be one of the songs the kids have been practicing for the pre-school graduation performance, which has been being kept as a super secret. Gwen heard the music and then totally panicked and started screaming Plug your ears, Mommy!!! Plug your ears!!! for the whole song. She didn't move an inch, the other kids are all dancing around her; she just stood there screaming. It was hilarious. I was almost in tears from laughing so hard. The rest of the recital went better thankfully. Here's my girl, showing some of her moves...

...blah blah blah blabbity blah...

2009-05-15T08:55:00.001-07:00

Latest health update... hcg levels came back at 27. still moving in the right direction. went in to the doctors this week cuz I'm still in a lot of pain and wondering what gives. turns out it's normal. I'm supposed to expect it to take at least 6 weeks to recover from this. blech. seriously- 6 weeks! it was bitter sweet- yeah there's nothing wrong with me vs. what!? there's nothing wrong with me??!!! meaning there's no magic button to make me feel better? bummer. but knowing that the pain isn't signifying something horrible makes it a lot easier to deal with mentally. so that's fantastic. ...um, over and out.

lab results for the week...

2009-05-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

HCG down to 57! finally something in my body working like it's supposed to... but think I have a UTI now. ahh, the joys of life are not wasted on me.

*** went in to the doctors office, it's not a UTI... it's a big question mark requiring some more tests and an ultrasound. So, I head back in on Tuesday hopefully for some answers. this is becoming ridiculous. But good news is that my doctors office now will respond to any of its patients being admitted into the ER- they will no longer subject them to whomever might be on call. Thank heavens for that. I can't help but think that my experience has been the catalyst for this change.

still kickin' it...

2009-05-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

This is me... still kickin' it. Getting better- not as hunched over as I was, but still not up to a zombie walk...wah. Surprisingly, I am still really sore. What gives already! I am so over this, body, get with the program! I went in for another blood test today. They have moved beyond babying me and busted out the big needles today... and I had thought I was getting tough, nope... there is a difference! Last week they had asked me if a student could draw my blood. I looked down at my arms that were all black and blue and still sporting a couple band aids, then back up at her and said, I don't think so... I've had quite a week and would like someone who knows what they're doing. But it was nice they asked and didn't just stick some freshman on me. I'm still considering lodging a complaint about one of the phlebotomist that I encountered while still in the hospital. Her name was Bobbi and had to be pushing 60. It was in the middle of my last night in there. My blood drawing arm (the one without an IV) was towards the wall and she, being a more traditionally built woman, had to move the bed to fit on that side. My veins were all in hiding (other phlebotomists were using syringes to get to veins that hadn't collapsed yet, but not Bobbi). Oh no. She pulls off the freshest band aid and sticks her needle into the wound of a previous draw. And of course to no result! So she actually wrenched her needle side to side to get some blood flowing!!! I really wish I had a frying pan in my other hand at this point... and even then, she barely gets enough for the tube. THEN she bangs my bed against the wall 3 times trying to put it back in place before giving up and telling me that I always give her problems.... if this was said in a jesting manner the effect was lost on me as I was busy clutching my wounded arm and stomach... bobbi bobbi bobbi... the chocolates I send up to the nurses station as a thank you- you don't get any. And if I see you at the lab, I'm taking my chances with the student.

2009-04-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

My blood test this week says my HCG levels are down in the 200s range (vs. 1389 when I left the hospital). This is fantastic because I believe it rules out the cancer explanation. Yippee!

update...

2009-04-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

Much more mobile today, though still tire easily. My hemoglobin levels are up to a good level again. YEAA!!! On the flip side, what they took out of me during surgery was not normal. There are two explanations; both of them nasty. The first explanation would have been cured by removing my tube- so I'd still be in good shape. The second explanation would have me visiting an OB oncologist- not good. So I'm on my doctors radar of people to watch closely... and I am so scared. I am on orders to go in every week for more bloodwork that would rule out explanantion #2. But it's probably gonna take about 6 weeks. I do appreciate all the love and support I've been receiving... please understand, though, that sometimes it still wears me out just having a conversation and so am not always up to answering my phone. Love ya guys... please keep me in your prayers.

*** my overall feeling about this is annoyance. Why can't it just be a NORMAL crappy day!? I feel like I'm in the fire swamp from The Princess Bride... if the lightening sand doesn't get me, the rodents of unusual size will. It is totally annoying.

the nitty-gritty....

2009-04-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

alrighty, I'm finally cognizant enough to try and relay what I have been up to for this past week, though by the end of it I may be wishing to have just let it all go unrecorded- it's been quite a week.

The first surgery was on March 15th. I felt like I had made a quick recovery, but never reached fully recovered. I knew I wasn't back to %100. About a week and a half before the big symptoms arrived, I just felt heavy and yucky in my lower tummy. One day I actually remarked to Wade that it felt like I had rocks or barbed wire in my uterus, but I chalked it up to pre-menstrual yuckiness because I had been told that the first period after an ectopic pregnancy was a doozy. It didn't hurt, per say, just yucky. And I was tired all the time. Just could completely pass out any given moment, it seemed.

Well, on Sunday I started what I thought was a period. I was so relieved! Finally, I'm getting back to normal!!! and I started having a little diarrhea; hmmm, not completely out of the norm for me so I didn't pay it too much attention. Monday morning I woke up achy and crampy and just felt like I was wearing a suit of armor, I just felt heavy. Right off I drew myself a bath, thinking the warm water would sooth the cramps and sent Wade to the drugstore to get some Pamprin. Nothing was relieving them and they got worse. Front and back from belly button down, everything was cramping now. I could actually feel individual interior parts cramping separately from each other. The runny tummy got worse. I found myself in the bathroom every ten minutes and my cramps were so bad I couldn't even use a tampon. I took another bath and when I got out I didn't even have the strength to get dressed- I just stayed wrapped in my towel laying on the bathroom floor because I knew I shouldn't stray too far from that porcelain goddess. Then the vomiting came. Oh my, this food poisoning was going to kill me! I'm never going to eat another hot dog as long as I live! Then the blacking out started. A couple of hours passed in which I was stuck in a cycle of diarrhea, pass out, fall off the toilet, come too, vomit, repeat. I was finally at a point where I was just praying for the diarrhea to stop because I couldn't lift myself to the toilet anymore when I called my friend, Marsha, who is a RN and an energy worker to come check on me. I also called Wade to have him come home because I wasn't going to be able to make it to the door to let Marsha in (he was out teaching Gwen to ride on two wheels, a post on that will be coming). I am still so grateful that I had my phone in the bathroom... Marsha told me my blood pressure was really low and suggested going to the hospital. I resisted. I really thought all this was was just dehydration and food poisoning. I didn't want a $600 IV. I could make it... The pain finally wore me down, though. I asked Wade to take me. He lifts me up to help me put my robe on, I passed out. He's helping me out of the house, and I collapse in the living room. I was useless getting myself to the car. Wade hears the neighbor outside and runs to get his help, and they do that thing where they make a chair by holding elbows and get me to the car. We went to urgent care first, they sent us to the ER. Wade lifts me out of the car and sets me in a wheelchair and I totally blacked out. The next time I regained consciousness I was on a table in a back room with an IV in and tons of stickers being stuck to my chest and they were doing an ultra sound, there had to be 12 people working on me. The first thing I swear they tell is that they are going to put a catheter in now. Of course, I've been unconscious for how long and they happen to save THAT for when I'm conscious... the irony. I say ok... it was at this moment that it hit Wade how bad of shape I was in. He was just about to tell the nurse not to, that I was going to fight her on it, etc when I said ok and didn't flinch. He knew then and there that I was NOT well. I hear them say the pregnancy test had come back positive, the ultra sound was showing a lot of blood and a ruptured tube, I was going to have have to have surgery again. Then I'm out again and don't think I really came to until the next day- I remember bits and pieces but nothing coherent.

My blood pressure when I arrived at the hospital was something like 64 over 40. My hemoglobin was down to 6. They couldn't find a pulse at my neck and my heart had started to skip. I almost died. I ended up needing 6 units of blood to stabilize my blood pressure. It is all still surreal. I'm still in a lot of pain, but SOO much better than what it was. I go back in tomorrow to get some more blood tests. I've had to had a babysitter 24/7 since I've been home just in case I start to bleed again and pass out. Hopefully, my tests tomorrow are much improved and I'll be confirmed to be out of the danger zone. The saga's not quite over, yet, but I feel I've finally turned a corner. ...write more later...